Would the Warriors beat the 72–10 Bulls, Showtime Lakers, or These Other Historically Great Teams?
Let’s settle this greatness argument once and for all…
The Golden State Warriors are incredible. They went 73–9 and broke all sorts of records and quite possibly the game of basketball. They defended their championship belt night after night. And now they’re on the verge of a second consecutive title, about to cap off the greatest season in NBA history.
All year pundits have wondered how the Warriors would stack up against other all-time greats. Could they hang with the 72–10 Bulls? Would they beat the Showtime Lakers? What other great teams could the Ws take down?
Time to settle this once and for all.
The 72–10 Chicago Bulls
The ’95–’96 Bulls were led by Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen, the greatest 1–2 punch in NBA history, plus Dennis Rodman, Toni Kukoc, Ron Harper, and 13-time NBA champion Phil Jackson at coach. Heck of a team.
So how do these Warriors match up? Klay Thompson has his hands full with MJ. He won’t be getting many shots off, and his main role will be to keep Jordan at least relatively in check defensively.
The Ws start Andre Iguodala as a modern-day answer to Pippen. Iggy guards Scottie but would of course check on to MJ at times. The Bulls definitely win these battles, but the Ws keep them somewhat in check.
Rodman takes Draymond — and eviscerates him. He gets in his head, owns him on the glass, and most importantly, completely takes away the Steph and Draymond pick and roll using his length and all-world defensive skills.
That leaves Steph on Harper and Barnes against Kukoc. Harper was good defensively, but he’s no match for Curry. He’s just too slow — those knees would never keep up. Maybe MJ or Pippen take Curry sometimes, but that leaves another option to kill Harper.
And there’s the great equalizer — the 3-pointer. The Bulls made 544 on a shortened line while the Warriors had almost twice that many (1077). Curry had more 3s himself than MJ, Pippen, and Steve Kerr combined.
And the bench is the real difference: Livingston, Barbosa, Speights, Bogut or Ezeli, and usually Klay or Draymond or both. It’s been the difference in these Finals and it’s the difference here. The Bulls can’t match that with Kerr, Kukoc, Longley, Wennington, Buechler, or anyone else on the roster.
MJ and Pippen keep it close but can’t do everything, and the Warriors bench carries the day. #StrengthInNumbers
Verdict: Warriors
Showtime Lakers
Magic Johnson revolutionized the game, a 6'9 point guard long before guys like Penny Hardaway or Shaun Livingston. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar had the sky hook. And there was James Worthy and Michael Cooper and Kurt Rambis. And Klay’s dad Mychal.
Kareem can’t get to his famed sky hook though. The Warriors are just too fast and offer too much help defense, swiping the ball away every time he tries to go up. And with the Lakers lack of shooting options, the Warriors pack the paint with Steph and Klay using their quick hands to rack up the steals. The Ws are too quick on transition defense to let Magic get the Showtime transition game going.
Defensively the Lakers are never quite fast enough to rotate and are too proud to stray from the paint long enough to guard the perimeter. And that’s where things get problematic in a hurry. Steph and Klay constantly shake free for good looks while Iggy, Barnes, and Draymond are left free all game long in the corners.
The Lakers dominate in the paint but pride is their downfall as they lose the 3-point battle 72-to-6. Warriors coast.
Verdict: Warriors
The Dream Team
Jordan and Pippen. Stockton and Malone. Bird and Magic. Barkley, Robinson, Ewing… Let’s just say it’s an insult when we call subsequent Olympic teams “Dream Team” like it’s just an inherent moniker.
Here’s the issue: the Dream Team had a Magic vs Jordan problem. Both thought they were the alpha dog. Each wanted the last shot that never came in a series of 40-point wins. The quiet feud never really surfaced.
But this Jordan just lost to these Warriors. And this Magic did too. And both MJ and Magic are way too competitive to let that go. They hog the ball, fighting over every shot, destroying the team’s chemistry. They get confused on defense, pointing and shouting while Steph and Klay rain open threes.
The Dream Team needed a third star, someone quick enough to stay in front of Steph. They needed Isiah Thomas. And of course they get dominated in the 12th man battle too as Anderson Varejao owns Christian Laettner.
Verdict: Warriors
18–1 New England Patriots
You’re going to need a lot of points to beat the Warriors, so why not try the greatest offense of all time? The ‘07 Patriots broke all sorts of records led by Tom Brady and Randy Moss, seemingly able to score at will.
But this one’s easy. When the chips were down and the season was on the line, Klay started hitting shots from all over the court and saved the Warriors in Game 6 against the Thunder. When the chips were down for the Pats? They let Eli Manning and David Tyree beat them.
David Tyree!!
Verdict: Warriors
1927 New York Yankees
So maybe you need even more offense. The ‘27 Yankees are considered the greatest baseball team of all time, featuring the Murderer’s Row of hitters. Lou Gehrig led the league with 175 RBIs and won the MVP, while Babe Ruth did to the home runs record what Steph just did to the 3-point record.
But the Murderer’s Row never faced the Death Lineup.
Not everyone is murdered, but all men must die.
Valar morghulis.
Verdict: Warriors
1972 Miami Dolphins
Perhaps it will take the perfect team to beat these Warriors, and only the ‘72 Dolphins have ever been perfect wire-to-wire.
But here’s the dirty little secret: those Dolphins actually lost three times to the Redskins and Packers and Lions. Sure it was the preseason but a loss is a loss, and that takes the entire aura of perfection away.
Draymond shuts up Mercury Morris and Nick Buoniconti once and for all.
Verdict: Warriors
1985 Chicago Bears
Everyone knows the ’85 Bears were better than the ’72 Dolphins anyway. These Bears had an answer for everything.
Draymond’s versatility is negated by William Perry, the Fridge who dominated the defensive line and scored multiple offensive TDs. Mike Ditka outsmarts Kerr, and Buddy Ryan out-defenses Ron Adams. Steph’s shot is pretty sweet, but Walter Payton is literally nicknamed “Sweetness.”
The Bears even have an answer to the Warriors brash confidence, releasing their famous Super Bowl Shuffle video before even winning the Super Bowl.
If any defense can figure out how to stop the Ws, it’s these ’85 Bears. The Warriors have finally met their match.
Verdict: ‘85 Bears
‘70s Montreal Canadiens
The Canadiens were the last pro team to win four titles in a row, from ‘75-‘79. Steph’s handle often puts the defenders on ice, but that won’t be much good against a team that’s already there.
Still the Cavs just ended Canada, crushing the Raptors in the 4 games they actually tried in, and now look at what the Warriors are doing to the Cavs.
Ws > Cavs > Canada. That’s just the transitive property.
Verdict: Warriors
USSR hockey
Are you kidding?
Mike Eruzione practically tore down that wall himself. The USSR is over. The battle is already won. USA! USA! USA!
Verdict: Warriors
1970 Brazil soccer
The interwebs suggest this is the best soccer team of all time, featuring Pele.
But the Ws have two Brazilians of their own, Leandro Barbosa and Anderson Varejao. Haven’t you wondered all season why those guys keep logging minutes? They know stuff, man. You never know when you might need some Brazilian inside knowledge.
Verdict: Warriors
1999 U.S. Women’s National Team
Now we’re talking. Mia Hamm, Julie Foudy, Kristine Lilly, Brianna Scurry, Brandi Chastain… the ‘99 USWNT were awesome. Those ladies had talent, heart, balance. They were a deep team, with an impactful sub at every turn. They came through in the clutch. And they were stout defensively, with nothing getting past Scurry.
Look, it’s right there in the name. If you were building a stopper to take away the greatest offensive player in the world, why not make it obvious?
Scurry negates S.Curry.
Verdict: USWNT
2016 Chicago Cubs
Steph Curry is the greatest shooter of all time and might well be on his way to becoming the greatest player of all time. The GOAT.
The Cubs don’t have a great history with goats. But these Cubs are different. They are the best hitting and pitching and fielding team in baseball. This team will end the curse of the billy goat and make us forget all these Warriors.
They ain’t afraid of no goat.
Verdict: Cubs
Average Joe’s dodgeball team
Do you know who looks secretly great at dodgeball? Mo Speights, that’s who.
Iggy and Draymond too. Actually the Warriors might be even better at dodgeball than they are at basketball.
Verdict: Warriors
Ghost team from Field of Dreams
Please... Do you not remember why they were ghosts?
THEY CHEATED!!
The 1919 Black Sox threw it then, and they’d throw it again here. We all know the NBA is a giant conspiracy anyway. Say it ain’t so.
Verdict: Warriors
D2 Mighty Ducks
The Ducks sequel might have been even better than this Warriors sequel. Goldberg and Julie the Cat dominated in defense. Adam Banks could hit from anywhere. Charlie had the triple deke shot — no one’s guarding that. Russ had the knucklepuck too; if he can do that with a flat object, what could he do with a round one? And how would the Death Lineup handle the Flying V?
Plus the Splash Brothers is a blatant rip off of the Bash Brothers, and Fulton and Dean are gonna take that personally.
Verdict: Ducks
The Sandlot
Smalls was basically Steph. You know Squints handled all of the analytics. And Benny the Jet was a straight baller. The boys take a huge lead but Ham gets cocky and starts talking a little too much smack.
Butt sniffer! Pus licker! Fart smeller!! You play ball like a GIRL!!!
And that was the last thing Hamilton ever said to Draymond.
Verdict: Warriors
Hickory High
I’m not even going to explain this one. Coach Dale and Jimmy Chitwood find a way to get the job done, just like they always do. Go watch Hoosiers.
The basket’s 10 feet in Oakland too.
Verdict: Hickory
Dillon Panthers
Harrison Barnes is 100% the Landry of the Golden State Warriors. Is HB is secretly a serial killer who will nearly be responsible for ending one of the great runs in sports? Only time will tell.
Even without much from Landry, the Panthers got it done under the Friday Night Lights with Saracen at QB1 and Smash and Riggins running it down people’s throats. The Panthers are tough and physical, and they always bring it in the clutch.
And I do mean clutch. Remember these Panthers when the chips are down? 80 yard fadeaway Hail Mary? No problem! Turnover with the game on the line? Absolutely! Sixth-string backup makes the impossible play when everyone else is hurt? Every time!
Even the Warriors can’t contend with that.
Verdict: Dillon
Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
Mr. Burns pulled out all the stops putting this roster together. Griffey, Canseco, Mattingly, Boggs, Strawberry, Ozzie, Clemens, Sax… what a stacked softball team. That team could bomb it from anywhere.
Unfortunately if you’ve seen “Homer at the Bat” you already know how this one ends. Everything goes wrong for the overconfident Nukes and almost every star player ends up missing the game — all but Darryl Strawberry.
Strawberry comes through every time but in the end, it’s a team game and it comes down to Homer again. And this time a hit-by-pitch won’t do.
The Warriors pick-and-roll Homer to death like he’s Kevin Love out there.
Verdict: Warriors
Tune Squad
Everybody get up, it’s time to slam now.
Just look at those individual showdowns. Bugs vs Steph. Lola vs Klay. Defensive stopper Iggy takes on MJ. Draymond basically is Taz. The Tune Squad even has Bill Murray to match Bogut. Those starters are a dead heat. And so it all comes down to the benches yet again.
Shaun Livingston is dynamite, but that won’t stop Wile E. Coyote. Road Runner is faster than Barbosa. Foghorn Leghorn is more obnoxious than Mo Speights. Barnes the stretch-4 is matched by Pepe LePew the stench-4. Even Stan Podolak is more annoying and floppy than Anderson Varejao somehow.
Tweety cheers from the sidelines as the Tunes bench saves the day.
Verdict: Tune Squad
Final Verdict: 13 wins, 7 losses
Not bad, Golden State.
But you’ve got work to do before becoming the greatest team of all-time.
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