I Was Not Hidden From You
June 19, 2017

“My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”
I keep coming back to this Psalm. I must have read it 100 times but every time, I see something new. I’ve started reading it from my baby’s perspective and it has brought so much hope and comfort. This child belongs to God. He or she has an individual, important, priceless soul. They have a purpose apart from mine. Their days count for something even if those days take place inside of me. This baby’s life is individually meaningful even if I or others struggle to see it at times. I cannot truly understand it, but I believe with my whole being that Christ gives us each a purpose. EACH, meaning every living, breathing thing that belongs to Him. When I think about this, I find my joy returning. My child has a purpose. His or her life is vastly important to God otherwise it would have never come to be.
Importance and value aren’t measured in what we achieve, in how many days we live or in whether we can talk or walk or function independently. Value is the divine gift of God. We do not earn value, we are valuable because we are made in His image and called according to His purpose. As I prepare my heart to part with my child, I am rejoicing in their God-given value. I am rejoicing that I did “not throw away this gift even though the wrapping looks different.” — a beautiful comment from my friend @wenswept . I am rejoicing that God continues to grow this child, even if just for a short while. There is a glimmer of hope in my heart that somehow our baby will live, but my ultimate hope is that, in life or death, this baby will bring glory to God and that I might have the faith to trust, accept, and be refined by whatever God wills.
