Losing Control and Finding Peace
May 10, 2017

Today in Psalms I came across this verse, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” I love that King David said “wait for the Lord” twice in a row, because of how easily and quickly we forget that waiting upon the Lord in every valley of life is all we can do.
One of the hardest parts of this news has been our lack of control. My husband and I have been talking about this and how we so easily tricked ourselves into believing that we were ever in control in the first place. We never ever were. Nothing we have is by our own hand. You might say, “Oh, don’t be so hard yourselves. You are good people and you work hard and that is why you’ve had a good life thus far.” But that is not so.
When you accept the entire message of Christ and the perfection of his Word, more and more you realize that EVERY good and perfect thing is from above. Nathan and I had no control over who we were born to, how we were raised, where we were raised, what century we were born in! And as a pastor we love explained in a sermon, these are what any psychologist will call the most formative experiences of our lives. .
He went on to say, “Do you think the fact that you were born now and not during the Bubonic Plague has shaped your life differently in any way? Of course it has!”
I only went to college because I was born in a country that values education in an era where woman are encouraged to learn. I only believe in the inherent value of each and every human being because I was raised in a home where life is considered a gift from God. I only met my husband because I live in a time where you can meet people who live states away using a smart phone. The best parts of me — my faith, my family, my husband, my values — were literally given to me out of divine grace. From God himself was I given the desire to know Him more fully and accept His truths for myself.
I have done nothing, but I have been given all through Christ.
It is ALL grace and therefore the notion that we ever had any control over this pregnancy and over this life seems silly. We cannot save our child unless that is what God wills. That of course does not negate the responsibility we both have to fight tooth and nail for our child’s life, because God is wholly in charge and yet man is wholly responsible for every choice made.
And while feeling out of control is one of the scariest feelings I have ever experienced, it is also freeing. Nathan and I are freed from the lie that the outcome of this event, if bad, could be attributed to any sort of failing on our part and, if good, could be attributed to any sort of control or power exerted by our own hands alone.
We have simply been asked to trust and obey and wait on God. We are often terrified, I am often unable to get out of bed until noon, but each day we are choosing to be strong and let our hearts take courage as we wait for the Lord.
