My Biggest Failure and What I learned

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all — in which case, you fail by default”

-J.K. Rowling

I thought long and hard about this and you know what? To be completely honest, there have been many times where I have fucked up and made mistakes, but a cool thing I realized while thinking about this was I can’t really pinpoint a significant personal failure. At least at this point in my life. I’m so stubborn and persistent that I’ve never allowed myself to quit.

I mean, you can’t fail if you don’t quit, right? I’ve always been the dude that goes down swinging. Literally, and in actual fights.

But you’re probably like OK—Mr. Asshole/Perfect; go suck a dick. Don’t get me wrong, I make plenty of mistakes. I do have experiences that I kind of wish had a different outcome. One embarrassing story comes to mind because this particular experience became a major turning point in how I interacted with girls.

During college, I met a cute white girl through a mutual friend (they were classmates working on a project together) while hitting up the bars in Denton. This is one of my first experiences hitting on a non-Asian girl. We ended up flirting and I told her she had a big booty for a white girl; she loved it.

I got her number, added her on Facebook and probably went home and jizzed into a sock.

At this point in my life, I wouldn’t say I was extremely successful with girls, but I had a couple of girlfriends and read a lot of self help stuff and wasn’t a complete retard.

At the end of the semester, I went to another UNT house party at my friends place in Denton and I see her again. We smile at each other, joke around and dance together. She laughed at my jokes and we danced around in the living room. Everything was going smooth, I was having fun, and completely in the fucking zone.

At some point, we go outside and it becomes apparent that she’s into me. Turns out my friend, (the classmate and one of the party hosts) was also trying to fuck her. I wanted to fuck her, but wasn’t sure how to exactly go about it. I figured these things just happened naturally. Of all the times I got laid prior to this point was either through luck or because I found myself in a relationship.

Out of no where, we have a moment. In the middle of telling some random joke or story, she interrupts me. She looked me in the eyes and said,

“Kiss me.”

Holy shit. I have never experienced a girl so forward before. (Well, there was this one time, when a girl told she loved giving blow jobs, but that’s another story. But FYI, yes I got the blow job.)

My friend felt threatened and tried to grab her hand to hold her attention back on him. I could see the look on is face. Meanwhile, this girl really had some balls. She let go of his hand in front of like 10 other people. Pressure was on. I looked her back in the eyes and leaned in. An inch away, I stop and ask

“Is this a trick?”

I was being a giant pussy. I ended up laughing and changed the subject to keep the pressure off.

Everyone laughed too and then after a couple of minutes go by. She stops me again. And again, in front of everyone, she pulls me by the shirt and says

“KISS ME.”

I lean in one more time, close my eyes, and lean in close.

“UMM… IS THIS A TRICK?”

To my surprise, the girl got frustrated. After 2 attempts of asking me to kiss her, I finally realized she was serious.

Damn she actually wanted to kiss me. I’m a fucking idiot.

At this point, I tried to rekindle something. I kept trying to dance with her and chased her around the house to keep the humor going, but at this point, it was toward the end of the night. My friend decided to take this opportunity to lead her into his bedroom. I figure this may be my last chance try to bring the magic back; but I’ll do what I know best, dance to rap music.

Right as I get to her, the song changes to some ballroom type shit.

Uhh—I have no idea what the fuck to do now. She says, “lets dance”. And She does this in front of my friend, in his own bedroom.

I have no idea how to ballroom dance.

We have our hands around each others waist and other hand. I stand there and let her lead the way. We go for a lap around the room and stop.

“You don’t even know how to lead??? Ugh. Good night.”

I tried prolonging my stay in the room to delay the inevitable but I ended up walking to the living room and cried myself to sleep. Meanwhile, my friend fucks big booty white girl.

The lesson I learned was simple; I vowed to myself to never pass up an opportunity to go after what I want. In many areas of my life, I had already possessed a similar attitude, but when it came to girls, this was the turning point where I forced myself to change.

I still view life as a constant learning experience but I figure any negative experience will just end up being at least a good story to tell. Even though this particular experience sucked, I’m glad it happened when it did, because it became a catalyst for change.

Luckily, I’m not a repeat offender.