
Yearly status — 35 years old
Yet another crazy and amazing year has past and here I am one year later writing my second yearly status during my paternity leave in Spain. It’s been a year full of changes, down-turns but more importantly amazing things happening in my life. With the biggest and event and change in my life in becoming a dad of my wonderful little Moa. The year hasn’t been so stacked with a lot of stuff but instead it’s been full of bigger and more profound changes. It was also the year when I started to find myself, and more so my true self, for real and also having the confidence to trust that. I threw out my anchor from the boat when I embarked on this self-improvement journey more than 5 years ago but 2018 was the year when that anchor finally hit the bottom of the sea and mounted it self on the seabed. Although I feel anchored in myself I also have had this growing feel of anxiousness lately. An anxiety that feels feels like a heavy and wet blanket laying over my shoulders. It’s an anxiety that is coming out of fear I believe, the fear of everything and nothing, and the feeling has just gotten stronger with becoming a dad. So my feelings when 2019 now is starting is partly extremely happy, confident and content but at the same time rootless, anxious and afraid. I’ll try to dissect it and deep diver into later in this status and hopefully I’m able to articulate it a bit more understandable.
With that said, let’s just dig into each and every area. This year I’ll try to keep it a more structured and do section by section with one summary and then 3 sub-headings consisting out 1.) a reflection of the past year including the goals 2.) where I am at this very moment and 3) looking forward into this year and articulating the goals.
Health
Exercise
Summary of the past year
During 2018 I was able to reach my goal of 4 workouts per week in average. I think I averaged 3,7 or so in SATS app (the local gym app) and in addition to that I had a few runs and other workouts not registered there. I did mostly HIIT workouts for the first 6 months with one or two strength workouts per week but more to maintain the muscles and not much more than that. However, in the latter part of the year I was starting to get into the strength regimen again and started prioritising it over HIIT again, doing 3 strength workouts per week, and supplementing with 1–2 HIIT workouts. I was gaining muscle mass and strength slowly but steady but also gaining in fat. I think the gain in fat was mainly due to stress and maybe overeating a bit, I tend to take really big portions, but I’ve been eating good in general. When it comes to the HIIT workouts I like them, it’s a good way of getting an intense workout in on a busy day, but the results doesn’t come with it. It is not enough cardio and it’s not enough heavy lifting so it makes me stagnate a bit I feel like. Of course there’s many forms of HIIT and I’m talking about the form at the local gym here. However, it has improved my general fitness level I believe. Running 10km has never been as easy as now which is mainly thanks to the HIIT workouts so there’s been some great benefits from it as well, but I’ll rethink how I incorporate it in my routine going forward.
I’ve been doing crossfit inspired training at work with a colleague as an instructor as well. It has been extremely intense workouts and a good way to get a good workout in and also connect with my new colleagues. So i’ll definitely continue to get a few of this in here and there, but I do have to say that it doesn’t replace my normal workouts which is partly to strengthen my body body but just as much to disconnect and have some quality time for myself. With colleagues it’s not the same.
Furthermore, I’ve completely dropped out of yoga which I really don’t like. I just haven’t been able to crank it in and I guess I’ve been down-prioritising it for the workouts instead and the main reason for that has been that I haven’t been that content with my body this year with the weight gain, All of a sudden I’ve gained a waste line again and I therefor I’ve been prioritising the workouts before yoga in order to change it up. But it definitely has consequences, both in mental and physical terms. When it comes to the physical I feel much more stiff then I just to feel only 1,5 year ago. However, I have been compensating with mobility warm-ups on a regular basis before any workout which I think have mitigated the negative consequences a bit. In addition to that I’m trying to do at least 10 minutes stretching after a workout.
All in all I’m very happy with volume of training I’ve been able to get during this year while becoming a dad and starting two jobs, but it’s obvious it hasn’t been that high-quality training and it’s been more to maintain than anything else.
So where I am now when it comes to exercise and fitness?
Since I’m writing this a month and a half into this year I’ve already taken action on the goals I set around new year so I’ll take it from there.
Since arriving to Spain the 2nd of January I’ve the best training period of my life. I set a goal to train 28 days in January, eat good and avoid alcohol as much as possible, kick-starting my triathlon training. I reached the goal with marginal. I even put in an extra one so I ended up doing 29 workouts in 30 days. Those 28 days, basically 7 days a week, I split into 3 strength workouts and 3 cardio workouts where the cardio has consisted of running and swimming, basically doing strength every other day and switching between running and swimming for every other cardio workout. It has worked, not only good, but amazing! I have had so much energy and I haven’t felt fatigue a single day forcing me to skip any training day. However, I wanted to put in a yoga class per week, but I haven’t been able to unfortunately. Anyways, back to the workouts. I’ve just continued on the same path in February and the results just continue to improve with personal records in strength and running 10k with ease.
Here’s some stats:
Bench press: 82,5kg — 8x3
Deadlift: 120kg — 8x3
Squats: 80kg — 8x3
Running 10k: 58 minutes
Swimming 1k: 45 minutes
When it comes to the strength I’ve made huge progress and I’ve surpassed the strength I had around 2014 when I was in the best shape of my life (up until then :)). I haven’t done any 1 rep max attempts but I’m not that interested in it it either. I want to minimise the risk for injuries and 1RMs heighten that risk substantially. However, I really do want to try 100kg in the bench press though. It has been a dream since I started lifting weight but that hope has faded away after peaking on 97,5kg around 2014 and just regressing after that. But now I really do believe I have it within reach and I’ll definitely try as soon as I have someone guarding me. That would be a great milestone for me. When it comes to the other strength exercises I have no ambition to do any heavy 1RM attempts instead I’ll keep it around 6–8 reps.
For the running and swimming the stats in itself are not impressive at all and I haven’t really tried to push those numbers down at all. I just want to note down the times so I have a record of them. In the case of running I have been running 10k much (well, not that much) faster before but the big change here is that I can run 10km in 58 minutes more or less effortlessly. I’m trying to keep my pulse at 75%, or zone C2, for a certain amount of time instead of focusing on the speed and it’s been a brand new experience for me. All of a sudden a run is pleasurable and I can focus on the technique, the breathing, my posture and also listen to and focus on a podcast as well and I LOVE IT. It feels like running can be something I can get really hooked on now, instead of seeing it as a necessary evil to do some cardio. Moving on to the swimming; the number I put there is my first 1000 meters I’ve swam breast strokes without interruption and with proper breathing, ever. Just that is a huge accomplishment for me. I’ve barely swam at all in my life (however, I’m extremely good at sunbathing!) and never as an exercise. More-so I’ve been, maybe not afraid, but very hesitant to be in the water and panicking very easy under the water. Needless to say, it hasn’t been one of my favourite activities in my life. But, I believe it’s about to change, that as well. I’ve been educating myself on youtube and invested in proper swimming gear, including a snorkel and swimming feet (for training, not for diving) and I’ve made tremendous progress by myself in only 1,5 month. I can now handle the breathing, which has been the biggest obstacle, and I get the underlying principles of swimming now. What I’ve yet to master it to put all the components that make up a freestyle swim together and swim effortlessly. As per now I can manage 2 lengths á 25 meter freestyle swimming but nothing more. But I’ll get there, I just have to keep get in that pool and get more lengths under my skin.
Weight: 81kg
Body-fat: 15,5%
As I mentioned earlier, I am not super happy with the weight I put and I feel a bit too heavy. The fact that I’ve put on a decent amount of muscle mass compensate for some of it but I do need to lose some. Mostly in order to get lighter when running and swimming but I also like to look more fit. When it comes to the body-fat percentage, I have no relationship with that metric, I just put it there now for the first time since I got it on the smart scale and might be fun to track over time.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
Well, I have one BIG goal this year and that is running an olympic triathlon in Oslo 19th of August. I will focus all my training and efforts on that and scale up the endurance volume slowly until then. I want to complete the race comfortably and enjoy it to the fullest so I’ll take it very seriously. In order to that I do have some subgoals when it comes to the stats but when it comes to the amount of training I do not. It will very so much approaching the race so it’s no point in writing that down. I will set specific goals and create a training plan for each month, starting with reducing the strengths workouts to two per week and increasing the endurance training in March. Also, I want to incorporate yoga at least once a week.
For the stats I have the following goals:
Weight: 75kg
Running 10km: 50 minutes
Swimming 15km: 45 minutes
Benchpress: 100kg
And completing the triathlon within 3 hours 30 minutes :)
Food
Summary of the past year
When it comes to food part I feel that it’s been a good year and a lot around mine and our eating has become habitual. There’s no temptation in my life at all when it comes to sugary, processed or any non-vegan food at all at this point. It’s just a part of my natural way of eating now I don’t really think about how to approach it anymore and no suffering is involved in that. I’m definitely vegan for life and I am more committed than ever and I feel that it is exactly the fuel my body needs and wants. However, we’ve been quite comfortable this past year in making easy dishes over making more nutrient dense and complete dishes from scratch. We’ve also stopped baking, making cheese, kombucha and doing other experiments in the kitchen like we used to which I miss but I believe it’s a consequence of everything else happening in our lives this year. It just hasn’t been a priority. This has resulted in perhaps eating a bit less healthy and conscious from time to time which has also shown itself on the scale for me in gaining almost 6 kg in one year. Some of it muscles though so not all that bad but still something I’m not satisfied with.
When it comes to the intermittent fasting I’ve kept going with that as well and made it a habit. I usually skip breakfast and eat my first meal at 11:30 at work, where I have a wonderful chef that makes vegan options only for me which is just amazing, and the last meal around 20:00 in the evening. I always try to fast minimum 12 hours but I aim for 14, sometimes 16, during the weekdays while allowing me some slack in the weekends enjoying beautiful breakfasts with bread together with my wife. One of the highlight moments of the week and I tend to keep it that way :)
Regarding alcohol I feel I’ve really changed my relation to alcohol and my old habits surrounding it this year. I’ve always used it as a reward and usually a bit too much and I’ve always felt that a Friday is not a Friday without some alcohol. This is not the case to the same extent anymore. I feel the hungover from only 4 beers awfully strong and I’m usually left with the feeling that it’s not worth it, contrary to how I felt before. I now feel that I can take 2 beers or one glass of wine and I’m happy with that, I can stop it there, without suffering, which is something new to me looking back on my life. I want to wake up fresh every day and make the most out of each day without any hungover. But with that said I don’t want to give it up completely, I enjoy alcohol and the sensation it gives me, so i want to keep being a social drinker and being able to go to a fe
Where am I now?
I’m eating really good in general and I feel that I’m getting a bit more disciplined for each month that passes by. Before I could “let go” for a week, on vacation or visiting Spain, and eat unhealthy, drink a lot of beer and even eat cheese. That I don’t do that much anymore. My habits are starting to form my own principles and rules that I adhere to, which feels great.
I barely drink alcohol anymore either, not in the same manner I did before anyways. I might drink 2–4 beers per week and that was the start of a normal Friday evening before. I could easily drink a 6-pack in the sofa in front of Netflix.
I’ve been fasting continuously through the year as well. It has worked really well especially at my new workplace where I get served a delicious vegan lunch everyday at 11:30 sharp so I have no problem not eating breakfast. However, I am wondering if it does make me eat a bigger lunch and more snacks between the lunch and dinner as compensation.
Although, i have been eating a bit too much in general. Which have been fine with all the strength training I have been doing and it has also given me great strength results but it has also come with a bigger belly. So I need to be more mindful and aware about that going forward.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
I want to find balance when in comes to alcohol. I’m reprogramming myself and I’ve come far but I still need to work on myself in that manner. I need to stop suffering when I’m not rewarding myself with alcohol. If that makes sense. I have no problem not drinking but when it’s a sunny Saturday walking around town and I’m not having a beer in the sun it feels like I’m giving something up. I want that suffering to go away. At the same time I want to be able to enjoy a beer and not feel bad for it when I do it. So balance and no suffering is the key here.
As I feel my principles and rules are starting to really get cemented in my food choices, a big goal is to not compromise those going forward. I don’t want to be radical but I want to keep making more and more good choices without the suffering the times where I can’t or don’t feel like. My theory is that as long as my baseline is good I can flex some on top of that. I guess that goes for all aspects of my life but I’m so afraid to “fall through” — I need to fight and work so much with myself to keep these good routines. But after doing them a certain amount of time I know they become habitual and I don’t need to put in that much of a fight to make it happen.
Spirituality and mental improvements
Summary of the past year
The first half year was really tough, with my wife’s tough pregnancy and a new horrible job that caused me a lot of sleepless nights and anxiousness. There was a lot of things surrounding that which caused stress and negative feelings for me. I was frustrated at work and I didn’t know how to help my wife, which I of course couldn’t but I had a hard time grappling with, more than just supporting her.
However, I decided to confront my situation head on and take responsibility for myself and my situation and change it. First of all I stood up at work against the unethical behaviour I experienced and saw. But secondly I decided I needed to change and get away from that toxic, male-dominant, hierarchical and regressive workplace even if it would “look bad” on my CV. So I’m super proud of myself taking action and responsibility in a situation where I wasn’t happy. Also I learned a lot about myself and gained confidence from that experience so I’m happy I had it.
All in all it’s been a year with ups and downs, after the bad job experience and my wife being really sick, she started to feel better and I landed a new job and ultimately Moa arrived in the beginning of August and the rest of the year was more or less a bliss even though it was a big change and challenge to become a dad.
I just need to go back to how I landed my current job and note that for myself before moving on. It’s really about how you create your own luck. I was in a bad spot but I was considering to “toughen it out” just to make it look good on the CV and not having to go through the process of changing job again, especially with a small baby in my hands at the same time. However, I saw this job position while sitting at at a restaurant with my wife and her sister a rainy day in June and got curious about the job. The fact that an old colleague from Telia was the director of the department made it even more attractive. But I was thinking it wasn’t worth it, I better just stick with this now and ride it out, and put the phone away. However, when my wife and her sister went to the toilet and I was sitting there alone with the phone again in my hand I was thinking I should at least send a message on LinkedIn to my old colleague and just hear if it could be something for me. He answered within a few minutes “APPLY APPLY APPLY, YOU WOULD BE PERFECT” — and so I did and eventually I got the job and the rest is history, as they say. I guess the sense moral is that you should always look for opportunities and not close any doors, especially if you’re not content where you are. It doesn’t mean to constantly seek though, it’s just to be open minded and be a yes-person instead of a no-person. In that way I strongly believe you create your own luck. I’ve done it a numerous amount of times in my life and it has always been for the better. Right now, I might be on the way to do it again with a job in Malaga, where I just sent a long mail to an interesting company and got in contact with a super nice danish guy. We’re planning to meet up for beers now and who knows, it might be my future workplace, or my next best friend, or not, it might not lead to anything. But at least I constantly have my sail up, looking for a wind to take me on an epic sail over the ocean of life.
So, moving on, it has been a year where I’ve been growing a lot in my different work situations but more-so in becoming a father. I absolutely love it and I am so much in love with my little daughter it’s crazy. However, i have to say for the first 4 months of her life, that occurred in 2018, it’s not that much for a dad to do more than practical things and being supportive to the mother. Of course I had Moa on me as much as possible and being close to them all the time but the real burden for the first part a new born is on the mum. No question about it. I still had to go to work as normally and get my 8 hours of sleep needed to function. I was going to the gym and doing other stuff. My life changed but it didn’t change radically as my wife’s life changed. I guess that’s biology and not much to do about it but it is a beautiful period and I think “my time” will come very soon when my daughter is getting less dependent on her mum and I can take a bigger part in taking care of her. So I guess the big radical change is in front of me and will come when we’re back in Oslo and my wife starts working again and our daughter starts kindergarten. But until then, I will just enjoy my paternity leave with my wonderful family.
To round it up I have been growing a lot this year and I have gained so much experience in so many aspects of life and I feel more grounded in myself than ever and I’m starting to become the person I always knew I could be. But I have lost a little bit of my spirituality, I have not been doing yoga nor meditating in a contentful way. At the same time I’ve been feeling lost in life and rootless and that has made me feel this subtle but constant anxiousness hanging over me all the time. I guess it’s a mix of all the big changes in my life but also the fact that we’re living in a place where we have no roots and we know it’s temporary, I have a high-paying job but it’s not my passion, we’re far away from family, my wife isn’t where she wants to be (although she’s working tremendously hard to get there), we don’t know where we’re going to live in 3 years and the list goes on. All of this makes my super anxious and I think also a bit afraid. Afraid of losing something. Up until now all of this has been in the future, something to deal with then but now we’re here. I, and we, need to find a place, the place, where we can root ourselves and create the life we want to have without the constant feeling that it’s only temporary. At the same time this is super exciting and I’m 100% sure we will find our dream place where we can settle down and everything will be sorted out. So I guess i’m on the edge of my comfort zone, which does cause me anxiety and worry, but I just have to go with it and trust the process and have faith in that everything will be ok. As it always do.
Where am I now?
I feel very much like I ended the previous paragraph. I’m super happy, confident, content, strong and a super good version of myself but I also have this wet blanket of anxiety hanging over me. I am not doing enough meditation nor yoga. I don’t feel rooted on the spiritual plane and I think that makes me feeling these negative emotions. I feel that I could and should work much more on these aspects of my life in order to live more in the moment and just enjoy. I still suffer way too much.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
I definitely need to meditate on a regular basis. I hope this is the year where I can make this into a habit and not something I do in short periods of time. I know have the Waking Up app from Sam Harris which i really enjoy. So one concrete goal is to complete his mediation course during the year. It consists of hundred of hours of guided meditations and lessons. In addition to that I need to practice yoga on a regular basis. Minimum one day per week.
Also, I want to explore coaching further. I’m considering to take a full coaching programme this fall but I’m not hundred procent sure yet. It’s a big commitment but in time and in money and I want to be fully committed to it before taking it. But what I’m sure of is that I’m going participate in one of the initial workshops called “Fundamentals”, in Oslo in the end of August. So that’s another goal and it falls under this section because it’s mostly driven by personal development and growth while the career aspects of it is secondary and a potential bonus.
Finance
Summary of the past year
We’ve been very good saving all of 2018. This was the year we really got going and made real progress and showed some financial discipline. We had saved 230.000 which equals 85% of the budget we had for the plan. With me being off, without any salary, both in January and August, which wasn’t planned it’s a really great result. We’ve been saving about 25% of our total income and that’s exactly where we want to be. We also bought a car and put in 50.000 in cash so if you add that to it as well it’s even closer to budget.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
The goals for the year is to continue to save in the same manner as before or even a bit more. Although our plans for maternity leave didn’t exactly turn out the way we wanted to rendering my wife a much lower income this year. But I’m confident we will reach the new, revised target for the year. Leaving us about 500.000 in total savings with the car counted in and halfway to our long-term goal. The million!
Career
Summary of the past year
I started off the year with a new job from February. A small diversion from my previous career path in e-commerce and digital marketing into product development. It was a gamble, no so much the actual career choice but more the workplace, and it turned out to not pay out. Although I did learn a lot and I grew tremendously during the 6 months I stayed there. The whole workplace was infected with a male-dominant, hierarchical, back-stabbing macho culture with no transparency and addition to that a big lack of competence. The product I was hired for didn’t exist anymore when I started and everything was turned on its head but I kept positive and tried to make the best out of it. But it was too much conflicts, drama and incompetence that I decided that I had to move on. It wasn’t worth my time nor energy. However, I feel really proud in how I approached it by standing up to my core values, both personally but also professionally, and I was dead honest when leaving. It seems like me leaving and my “whistleblowing” set in motion a chain of events with all person after person getting fired or leaving the company. Professionally I also learned a lot, I got to build up a whole team from scratch and being part of both specifying it and recruiting. In relation to that I also got to build a product from scratch, from vision board, to a first prototype and demo to an international crowd. Which was super rewarding and challenging.
So it wasn’t all bad but I felt I wanted to direct my energy into something positive and constructive. Therefor I reached out to a former colleague looking for a head of digital sales and digital marketing in his team. Which meant going back on to the path I recently diverted from and focusing more on what I’ve specialised in. Here I found a place that matches my values with a young workforce and an innovative culture where inclusion and transparency is the ground pillars of the company. The total opposite of the previous workplace and it was such a relief to firstly work with things hands-on instead of dealing with politics and conflicts and also something I really know and am good at, but also in a warm and welcoming environment. It wasn’t a raise salary-wise but on par with what I had before, but I was able to a few lines into the contract saying I’m able to work remotely, not completely but still, and in addition to that get my travels to Spain covered up to a certain amount. So all in all it was a really good deal. Furthermore it was no problem to get them to accept my plans for paternity leave and they’re covering my salary during it which is just amazing.
However, the “honeymoon period” ended rather quickly a few weeks before Christmas with my manager quitting more or less on the day due to a rather big conflict and all of a sudden pandoras box of past conflicts and drama opened up and I got caught up in the middle of it getting to know another side of the company. I’ve come to realize that we’re all humans and companies consists of humans and where there are humans there will always be conflicts, positiiong, politics and intrigues. No place is saved from that and I’m trying to stay out of it as much as possible and not get to emotional or personally invested at work now. Going forward, I felt it was a shame that my manager had to leave since he was the first leader I’ve had in a long while that actually understood digital and had 100% faith in me and my ideas. We really connected on both a professional level but also on a personal level. He opened up in many ways and I learned a lot from him in those few months we worked together. But everything in life is temporary and passes and in this case it meant that a new big opportunity arose for me with my managers previous role. Or part of it, it was divided into two, with me being offered Head of Digital, leading both the e-commerce and digital marketing team and the development team which meant functioning as the product manager for the e-commerce platform so it took me back on the path of product development without giving up the e-commerce part of it. It turned out perfectly for me in that sense. It’s funny how it works and when you’re a yay-sayer and are constantly seeking new challenges and are open for new opportunities things just gets thrown in your way. Although it meant a super intense and chaotic end of the year trying to set up everything for my paternity leave and ensuring the teams could work in a manner that they wouldn’t suffer because of my absence. And here I am in 2019 and everything has worked out very well so far :)
“People are usually afraid of change because they fear the unknown. But the single greatest constant of history is that everything changes.”
― Yuval Noah Harari, Homo Deus: A History of Tomorrow
Where am I now?
Right now I’m in Spain and I’m enjoying my paternity leave and working 50%. That means going to Oslo once a month more or less and working 2 days a week from Spain. So far it has worked out really well and I’m not too stressed out. They are actually respecting that I’m off and that is worth so much for me. Of course, I’m not able to do everything that is expected from me and I can’t function fully in my new role but I’m doing the best to make it work for the teams. In the 50% of time I’m working I’m probably getting 80% of the tasks done though. I get super effective both working from home but especially when I’m in Oslo. Cramping in 12 hour days for a week. So for now I’m very happy with the situation I have and I feel I don’t have to move anywhere and I feel very confident and competent in my role and appreciated by the teams. I’m starting to become the professional self as I always knew I could be as well. Things are truly falling into place.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
Although I’m at a place, in all regards, that I’m super happy about and where I can thrive I do feel that something is missing. I have more to give to this world. I love my job but it’s merely brain exercising and practicing other more social skills in order to prepare myself for the “true career path” that I believe lies ahead of me. I’ve always had a strong sense of making a difference, working for something that has a real impact on the world and I’ve always felt the best when I’ve been helping people in one way or another. Therefore this notion of become some sort of coach has become stronger and stronger in my mind. I’m not sure if it’s going to be a fully fletched career path, a side-gig or just lead to further personal development but I do wan’t to explore it further this year. I don’t know if the timing is right to invest in a full program since it’s quite costly and time demanding, perhaps I save it for the future, when we’re moving to Spain, but I’m not entirely sure. I will start by taking a “fundamentals” workshop in August to see how it feels and take it from there.
When it comes to the actual job I have I will just use it grow as much as possible as a leader and experiment with stuff and learn as much as I possible can. I will give it my all when I’m back but not to the point when I get stressed and anxious about it. I will be disciplined separating work from family time and I will prfioritize hard and be effective and productive those hours I am working. I will try to see all the challenges as possibilities to grow and learn and get more experience that I can use later for my true path in life.
Relations
Social
Summary of the past year
It was a year where the social aspects of my life weren’t prioritised. Outside work, visiting family and caring for a pregnant wife and subsequently our daughter when she arrived there were little time for friends and the social parts to flourish. I’ve maintained the friendships I hold dear and I haven’t been unsocial but naturally I haven’t been that initiative rich when it comes to meeting up, doing things, travelling with friends on the periphery. Also, I haven’t put so much effort into creating new friendships or extending my tribe in any real manner.
Where am I now?
I feel kind of content with my social life as per now. It’s something that has always stressed me out a bit, partly due to FOMO (fear of missing out), but also that I don’t want to be the person you invite and not going. I’ve always been bad at saying no to things. Friends and my social circle is something that always has been very important for me but I do believe that I have taken it a bit to serious from times. I’m starting to land a bit in the social life I have and I feel good about it. I rather give my love and energy to a handful of people that I know loves me rather than spreading it out on many that might not necessarily have all that love for me. Quality before quantity, which becomes more important with a child and raising a family. You want to spend your time with people that really matters to you and your family.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
I have a lot of friends in Oslo and we know a lot of people. Throwing together a party and getting a lot of people coming is not a problem. But I don’t have many close friends that I have a lot of things in common with. More so if you look at me and my wife as a couple and the people we have in common as friends. Which is basically all of them. I have very few friends that aren’t my wife’s friend and vice versa. However, they are good friends, but not close friends.
With that being said I’d like to engage more with the people I hold dear and I also want to spend some more time with friends back home in Sweden. We’re planing to move to Sweden next year (yeah, that just got dropped into this section because I’ve been writing with big chunks of time between so a lot has happened since I wrote the previous part) where we feel that we have more people that are in the same situation as us. With kids, families and the same kind of life and also values to a great extent. We’re super happy for that and really looking forward to it. With that plan and what it implies this year, saving money and planning for the move, I don’t see my social life that prioritised for the rest of this. I’ll have to cultivate it further next year.
Family
Summary of the past year
Very much the same as the previous year. Although I feel me and my brother has gotten closer again. Just me and him as brothers but also us as families which makes me super happy. Going back to the previous section, in the part about moving to Stockholm, this is one of the biggest reasons for doing that. I’d like to be super close to my brother and his family and for our kids to grow up together and have that extended family with all the safety, comfort and joy it brings. We have to create a new core family of our own since our own family basically is gone. I’ve come to terms with that and it does not feel as sad as it did for a while. I’m so sure about my decisions and myself that I do not want to bring in toxicity in any shape or form into my and my family’s life.
The situation with my mom is more or less the same. She keeps making really bad decisions for herself, leaving herself hurt and lonely, which makes me furious. But I have to work with that and keep on trying to give her unconditional love and not judge her too hard.
Where am I now?
Like I mentioned in the previous section; I need to continue to grow my love and empathy for my mom. With everything that has happened all the bad decisions she has made over the course of the past decades she is still my mum and she has never done anything with bad intention directed towards me. So I really need to work with that going forward.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
More love and empathy for mom and also spend more time with my brother and his family. As easy as that.
Love
Summary of the past year
It has been the year of love. It has been a love roller-coaster with my emotional register going haywire and my love for my wife growing even more and my overall capacity for love extending more than I could ever imagine with our daughter coming to this world. I love them both more than words could ever describe. My wife is the amazing mum that I knew she would be and that has taken my love for her to the next level. She has such an amazing intuition for caring and loving her that it seems like magic. She is so in tune with her feelings, needs and desires that it’s almost like it’s telepathy. It makes my heart melt and I am even more convinced that I met the love of my life and my spiritual soulmate. She grounds me and makes me a better a person in a way that is so constructive and beautiful. She is all I ever needed.
What we have missed out on a bit though, which I guess is natural, is the romantic and sensual sides of our relationship. There hasn’t been that much of intimacy and romance going on during this year. A lot of love and kindness but not the passionate intimacy that we had so much of before.
Where am I now?
I am exactly where I want to be. I am so happy and secure in our relationship. We both have a lot to work on in ourselves and we need to put in the hard and deep work in order to continue to evolve and grow together and keep our relationship in a good shape.
What goals do I have for the coming year?
In order to grow and evolve together we need to work on different things. I need to work more on letting go of work when I’m done working and focusing more on our relationshop and our family when I’m off. When it comes to my wife she needs to start realising her dreams and become the person she knows she can be and for us as a couple we need to prfioritize and create space for intimacy, romance and time for us to be. Abstract and overarching goals perhaps but I see it more as ambitions than quantified goals.
Travels
Here’s new places I’ve visited:
- Zagreb
This section will be very short this year. To say there hasn’t been that much room travelling, would be an understatement. However, I have been in Spain a lot :)
Habits
I have continued to work on changing my habits, but more importantly, I have been putting a lot of effort into maintaining and keeping the positive habits I have created earlier. Here comes some comments on the habits I wanted to created last year.
Get up earlier and stick to that time consistently (max 2 hour deviance weekday / weekend) — I don’t wanna be at work any later than 08:00.
- I was actually kind of successful with this one. I was at work between 08:00–08:30 for a good portion of the days I worked after the summer. There’s definitely room for improvement and consistency but I’m (or was, when I was working) on a good track.
- Goal this year: Keep it up and maintain 08:00 as the start of the working day as much as possible.
Read a book per month
- I didn’t read to the extent I wanted this year. I just didn’t find the peace nor peace of mind to do it in the same way as before. I also find podcasts to be a much more digestible format.
- Goal this year: I’ll keep this goal for this year.
48+ hours fasting twice a year
- I didn’t conduct one single fast the past year which is such a pity. I just didn’t get to it.
- Goal: At least one fast during 2019
Write yearly status once per year
- On it :)
- Goal: Keep it up!
Time-box task and activities (to get more focused and productive)
- I definitely have become more focused and productive than I was before. I don’t know what to attribute it to exactly more than being mindful of it and create routines for prioritising and setting up dedicated time-slots for specific tasks where I don’t let myself being disturbed or distracted.
- Goal: I’ll scrap this for the next year. I’m having trouble concretising it further and I need to prioritise my goals and ironically this has to make way this year.
Reflect on the day a few minutes before going to bed
- I have not done this and I’m not sure it’s still something to strive for anymore so this has to go.
Sauna sessions once a week
- I did do a lot of sauna for a period but in any consistent manner. I did not do that much of hot yoga either, which creates the same effect, the creation of heat-shock proteins which is the desired outcome.
- Goal: I’ll scrap this as a goal as well for this year. I’ll do it from time to time.
Keep todo-lists and prioritise hard
- Doing it. However, not a real goal.
- Check-in on my goals regularly
I am for certain areas of my life where it’s quantifiable like weight, training, finance and stuff like that. I’ll just continue to do that.
Habits I want to keep
- Time restricted eating
- Still my ambition
- Meditation (more frequently and for longer periods)
- I haven’t got to the real habit of meditating in any consistent way yet. I was a bit optimistic and naive putting it under habit I want to keep, it should probably have been under habits I want to create. So that’s where I’ll put it for this year.
- Yoga — at least once a week
- I don’t know exactly how many yoga sessions I went to but defintely not one per week on average. I’v really fallen out of the habit of practicing yoga and is something I strongly feel like I should and need to pick up in my life again. I’ll keep this as a goal, with once a week, but perhaps creating the habit again rather than keeping it.
Habits I want to get rid off
- Alcohol every weekend
Wrap-up
Let 2019 begin!
/Over and out
PS. Below you’ll find a list of books, podcasts and documentaries I’ve consumed and has helped me in one way or the other during the past year. It’s not comprehensive, I’ve basically just added what I remember right now. I’ll keep better track of it for next year though.
Books
Progress by Steven Pinker
Home Deus by Yuval Noah Harrari
The Alchemist by
Lean Start-Up by Eric Ries
Postcapitalism: A Guide to Our Future
Home Deus by Yuval Noah Harari
Podcasts:
The Joe Rogan Experience
The Waking Up Podcast with Sam Harris
TED Radio Hour
Found My Fitness
Found My Fitness
The School of Greatness
London Real
