Moms are tired AF superheroes
Who need a break, but not the kind you’re thinking.
I feel like everywhere I look I am bombarded with some “self-indulgence” nonsense that is supposed to help women navigate motherhood. Everyone seems to have an opinion about what it is going to take to help ease the burden of what it is to be the matriarchal member of the family.
It feels like everyone has a “fix-it”strategy.
Spa days, coffee, relaxing vacations on the beach, facials, pedicures, drinking wine, exercising, and getting away from your kids seem to top the list of things people think mom’s need to do to recharge.
I am not opposed to the occasional night out with the girls. It does refresh me, and helps me to feel more human after it is all said and done. Going out with just my husband on a “real” date does the same. Leaving our kids at home for 3 or 4 hours while we go for an uninterrupted meal and movie once a week does do good things to my soul. Having the chance to go and sit in a massage chair while someone else scrubs my feet does feel (and sound) heavenly from time to time.
But none of these things truly helps me, or any other mom, when it comes to motherhood.
They might help ease the burden for a short time, but when I get back to my real life after having spent some time away, (no matter how long) it is all still there for me, patiently awaiting my return.
Moms don’t need spa days, pedicures, or even the chance to get away from their kids from time to time, though yes, those things are nice.
What moms really need is help.
Moms don’t need a break from their kids, they need help raising them. They need people they can rely on (and not just their wonderful, loving spouses) without hesitation if and when they need them. They need people who will give of themselves unselfishly so that moms can lay down the heaviness of being the mom and just be themselves, if only for a short time.
They need family. They need friends. And they mostly need support and love.
They were someone before they had kids, though sometimes that is hard to remember when they are elbow deep in baby poop with a toddler hanging off of them, all while they are trying to do the laundry, make dinner, and teach their kindergartener how to read.
Moms need a community, a place where they can fall when they need to. Other adults to talk to, be with, to understand what it is to be the parent of little kids. People who love the mom, more than the mom often loves herself. People who help the mom remember she is doing a good job, even though she might not be splitting herself into all the pieces that she needs to (though she strives to).
Even though she might feel like a complete and utter failure, all the time.
Even though she might not have any faith in herself, most of the time.
Even though she might even hate herself, sometimes.
Because motherhood is a lonely business. Yes, it is loud, and messy, and crazy. But in motherhood you are always alone and yet never really by yourself. And it is honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Motherhood is the most thankless, but also most rewarding job there is.