thoughts on thoughts

I was walking through town one night wondering where I’d feel drawn to enter. As everything else goes with me, it felt like an allusion to my life in general. Jostling through intermittent clusters of people all on their own missions. I was a nomad, but I never rested. I just kept going until fatigue took me by the horns and slowed me down. Never too many drinks, never enough weed. There are fundamentally human things which I desire that I’m not able to get. I don’t know why and it makes me over-analyse my actions and interactions with people, looking for an error on my part.

I don’t even feel human sometimes, I just feel like this life of a human has been thrust upon me like Nala on Simba that one time. Except way less enjoyable, and I don’t feel the love. I don’t feel anything sometimes, but I guess feeling deeply all the time is due to leave you empty. Rightfully so because I’d emotionally burn out and damage myself if I wasn’t depleted every now and then. Rather a large emotional capacity that empties, than an endless pit of feelings.

I don’t ever want to stop growing despite my growth feeling always exponential, difficult and never in moderation.

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