Happiness is a journey — one of your control.

For some reason, we, as humans, consider happiness something that we are more deserving of in the future — simply as a result of time passing us by. In her text, A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson, crafts a beautiful, but disheartening argument that as Americans, social constructions have misled us to believe that love behaves as happiness — a gift that we will passively receive and transfer to others, in the present and future. The more honest truth is that we are not owed either and they cannot breathe without intentional effort and practice. So, yeah, I don’t think it’s crazy at all how Rubin dives into her exploration of personal happiness. I love it.

Funny thing is, she wrote this while not suffering from a lack of happiness, but just a “midlife malaise — a recurrent sense of discontent and almost feeling of disbelief” (2). I love a good self-help book. Yea, I’m guilty. But what I’m not guilty of, though accused, is being in rut — clinging onto books like such for a breakthrough. Plenty of us are just like Rubin — I’m just on a journey of intentionally upgrading myself. It’s fun, somewhat uncomfortable, but always worth it. I had to realize that if I want to be a better friend, lover, sister, daughter, professional, etc I have to invest in me. Anyways, back to the text…Below are a few thoughts that have jumped out thus far:

The opposite of “happiness is unhappiness, not depression[…]just because I wasn’t depressed didn’t mean that I couldn’t benefit from trying to be happier” (7). I love how she juxtaposes the deliberate study of happiness to the study of contracts she was forced to undergo while in law school. We feel quite comfortable in time spent on professional skills and trades. What’s weird about learning how to find more happiness in your life?

When children come home from school, parents often ask if they were on red/yellow/green today to gage a measure of their behavioral conduct. It’s pretty much the indicator of whether or not the kid had a good or bad day at school in many American households. What if we applied the same scale to our own behavior with respect to working towards goals we’ve decided will yield greater happiness? Hell, I LOVE a to-do list, but do my goals encourage happiness?

“I knew I wouldn’t discover happiness in a faraway place or in unusual circumstances; it was right here, right now” (12).

When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I’ve only finished fifty pages or so, but I’m feeling it. I love a clean house. As I’ve been doing more freelancing, I’ve found myself running in and out of my apartment and car. With all of that running, comes mess and untidiness. Instead of just avoiding it and heading to the nearest coffee shop to escape, I set up my home office to be a space I can actually enjoy. Damn, I feel happier already, Rubin. Ha but seriously, cleaning up anything that takes less than a minute and tidying up at night has made such a difference for me. I was unhappy with the lack of order in my space. Deciding to take a different approach on a consistent basis has given me back that power of order so, yea, I am happier about working from home. The clutter was just a physical representation of an opportunity for more order — the much deeper deliverable.. I’ve only finished fifty pages or so, but I’m feeling it. I love a clean house. As I’ve been doing more freelancing, I’ve found myself running in and out of my apartment and car. With all of that running, comes mess and untidiness. Instead of just avoiding it and heading to the nearest coffee shop to escape, I set up my home office to be a space I can actually enjoy. Damn, I feel happier already, Rubin. Ha but seriously, cleaning up anything that takes less than a minute and tidying up at night has made such a difference for me. I was unhappy with the lack of order in my space. Deciding to take a different approach on a consistent basis has given me back that power of order so, yea, I am happier about working from home. I even added a plant to the scene (my cat keeps nibbling on it but I’m determined to eat this cilantro someday)— see pic above.The clutter was just a physical representation of an opportunity for more order — the much deeper deliverable.

On a recent podcast (I’ll find the title soon), the guests spoke about the silly and grandiose approach most people take to achieving a goal. For example, a woman may say she’d love to workout five times a week but again and again she failed to meet this goal. Someone suggested to her, well why don’t you workout once a week to start? She laughed at the ridiculousness of this suggestion. Why would someone workout only once a week? She then admitted that she’s currently not even working out at all. We have got to start somewhere. You’re certainly not going to run a marathon with this mindset.

So I can’t commit to no clutter whatsoever, but it felt so so good to take all of those just-in-case shoes and clothes out of my car. A work in progress is just that — work — no matter the size of it and it must be done in order to see the ROI of progress. I’ll keep reading and let y’all know if I’m on a green/yellow/red card status.

Here’s her site if you’re interested: http://www.gretchenrubin.com/