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I didn't graduate with my class…

some self realization shit

When I transferred to UIUC, I was ecstatic. I was beside myself, I loved the institution, I had always wanted to go there, I was there. My excitement lasted all of 2hrs when the academic adviser said the words I did not want to hear. With your current Major, you should be graduating in 2019.

Excuse you ma’am.

What do you mean by 2019, I am class of 2018, anything more is unacceptable. I got sad, after an hour of talking, we realized there was no other way. Prereqs amongst other things, were stopping me from being great.

All I could think of was how I’d be the last one among my peers to start a life, I was already a failure and I hadn’t started life yet. I am already a late bloomer in many aspects of my life. This was going to make me an extra late bloomer.

The problem I faced was trying not to be bitter. I wanted to be happy for my peers and not feel left out. That was then.

Funny thing

Most of my friends graduated this year, I did not feel on bit of sorrow. I did not feel bad. I was happy for them. I did not even realize that I WAST GRADUATING WITH THEM. That might seem extreme but its the absolute truth. I don’t understand why I was racing against myself.

We put so much pressure on ourselves that we forget its okay to suck sometimes. Although I suck a lot. Thats okay too.

It was weird. I was chilling on my couch, scrolling, watching and I was good.

I had dreaded that moment for so long. I thought I wouldn’t want to see them and I’d be jealous. Ya girl was good fam.

I’ve evolved into a space I’m proud of. Positive vibes only. Growth and Glow only. Miss me with that negativity shit.

Have a good day xo

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