You Attract Who You Already Are

When I was recruiting for the Wisconsin Playmakers (a club program I started), I was maybe 23 years old. A little kid compared to some of these high school coaches that I was trying to talk to in order to build a relationship and recruit their kids. I was recruiting a kid named Tommy Gaston from Adams-Friendship, WI. His high school coach was a guy by the name of Steve Klass who ran a 1–3–1 zone, demanded ball control, and went crazy when his kids made mistakes. I was scared shitless to go talk to this guy after the game to talk about a kid. But it turns out I met him outside after the locker room and he was extremely nice and helpful to me. Even after they lost.
We all say that our actions speak louder than words. So if we model this kind of body language around our kids, even if we are verbally positive with them, we’re sending mixed messages. We are giving off a feeling to them that we are really disappointed in them, don’t think they are good enough, or that they can’t shoot. Being aware of your body language is paramount. Sometimes, we so caught up in the moment that we don’t know how we are acting.
I’ve been very fortunate to be around positive people who modeled values and principles that have been infused in my character. For them, I will be forever grateful.
My Grandfather
When I was about 12 years old I remember spending time after school at my mother’s parents’ house and waiting for my grandfather to come home from work. He worked from 7 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at Felker Brother’s Steel Factory in Marshfield, then spent he next few hours on his farm or a contractor project at someone’s home. When he came home, the one thing I remember is him scrubbing his hands because they were absolutely filthy from working all day. He never complained, was happy to have his job, and was always happy to see me and my grandma. Usually these nights followed us watching the Bulls on WGN because my parents didn’t have cable at the time. These were nights I never took for granted. But never knew the impact of seeing him grind it out every single day.
Forrest Larson
I had the best summer job in college you could ask for. I worked basketball camps for Forrest Larson, UW-Stout, Five-Star, and several other camps across the country. My summers were booked and I loved it. Working camps for Forrest taught me not only how to teach the game, but how to work. Truly work. He also taught me that you can live based on how you feel — you have to live by your principles. I specifically remember when we were about to start a camp up in Green Bay, WI, at the end of July. By this time of the summer he’d already been working camps for almost 8 weeks straight, 9 a.m.-9 p.m., with very few days off in between. He came up to me before we started the first session and said, “Mike, I am so ‘camped out’ right now”. “Camped out” is a phrase we use when you are just exhausted from being on the floor all day long, demonstrating and playing defense. “Running this camp is the last thing I want to do right now.” Three seconds later he blew his whistle, brought about 150 kids together, and gave his pre-camp speech and set expectations. His passion and energy was absolutely no different from the one he gave 8 weeks prior when we started our first camp session.
Andy Banasik
I’ve known Coach Banasik for over 20 years now, and even though he probably doesn’t know it, he’s had a huge influence on my life. Honestly, we haven’t spent that much time together. I attended a couple camps of his in high school, he helped me with me shot a little and worked for him a couple weeks during his Prairie Du Chein Perimeter camps. But, the biggest impression he made on me was how I observed him: his work ethic, the way he treats people, and his passion. After working camp in college we’d workout, play pickup, or lift from about 9 p.m.-10:30 p.m. before heading in for the night. While Coach Banasik, who had been up before the sun, was making the rounds to all the gyms sweeping the floors and restocking refrigerators with Gatorade. His actions spoke louder than anything he could have ever said to me.
Dave MacArthur
Dave MacArthur, a varsity boys’ coach at nearby Colby High School took me under his arm when I was a sophomore at Marshfield Columbus. I don’t have regrets, but if I could do one thing over it would have been to transfer schools to play for him. One of the greatest traits of leadership is to inspire, and that’s exactly what he did. He possessed not only that, but enthusiasm, work ethic, and compassion, which gave him the ability to push people to their potential. I will never forget the days we spent in the gym when he pushed me so hard I felt like I was going to pass out. Those times taught me to do the same both on and off the court. Dave passed away tragically at the age of 36, but I only hope that I can continue to teach the way he taught me, and to influence, the way he influenced me.
Below is a short note I wrote that was displayed at his funeral services:
Influence
The ability to influence is regarded as one of the greatest traits of leadership. You possessed not only that, but enthusiasm, work ethic, and compassion, which gave you the ability to push people to their potential. I will never forget the days we spent in the Colby gyms. There were days I worked so hard that I didn’t think I could take another shot, and then you pushed me some more. Those times taught me to do the same both on and off the court.
It was always enjoyable to watch your teams play because they were a direct extension of your work ethic and passion for the game. The same qualities you demonstrated on the sideline, your players demonstrated on the floor every time I came to watch. Each game I wanted to put on a Colby uniform and play just one minute for you. There is no doubt that your teams would have won state titles.
Even though your time in this world was limited, you made an impact on us that takes many others a lifetime to achieve. I am grateful to have been one of those many lives that you touched. As I continue this life that you influenced me to lead, I only hope I can teach the way you taught me, and influence the way you influenced me.
You get what you model.
When Dave was the Men’s Basketball coach at UW-Marshfield, a junior college in Wisconsin, he coached the Marshfield High School boys’ basketball team for the summer in leagues and tournaments. He would run some practices for them and always offered to work them out, “whenever you want. As long as I don’t have something going on with my family I’ll be there.” So on a hot, muggy, midwestern summer night in July, at 1 a.m. one night, Dave’s phone rang. It was one of the players from the Marshfield team. “Coach, can we get a workout in?” one of the kids asked, as Dave heard a couple of the others trying not to laugh in the background. “Yep, I’ll be there in 15 minutes. You better be there.” He hung up. Fifteen minutes later he was working out two of the players just like it was 1:15 p.m., not the middle of the night. Brad Fischer was there, now the UW-Oshkosh Women’s Head Coach, remembers him getting after it, telling them, “No one else is working out right now.” Music going and coaching them up, he was trying to motivate them to be the best possible version of themselves.
Brad says, “That one night has really influenced my coaching. You better backup and do everything that you say.”
His assistant coach in high school, Rick Golz recalls, “Every time he saw you he greeted you like he cared, with energy and enthusiasm. He made you love life because he loved life.”
You’ll attract what you become
The behavior you model is the behavior you will get. And the more you’re aware of what you’re modeling the more intentional you can be about your communication, actions and other behavior. You can model what you want your players to become. If you don’t have this awareness to accurately perceive what you’re modeling, you’re going to be battling behaviors that aren’t moving your team or organization towards your vision. Mindfulness creates this awareness.
