rebirth 重生 (彳ㄨㄥˊ ㄕㄥ)

I feel it integral to experience cycles of death and rebirth in our mortal lives, times of expansion and contraction. If you don’t grow you may as well die. I reflect upon all of my past stages and cringe, a grubby little caterpillar crapping up the joint. I am still no butterfly. …and that’s my daily quota of flowery metaphors.

There’s two images of oneself I would like to explore: how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself.

It’s not always easy to know how others perceive you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t influence it. Often times people will lie to you, tell you what they think you want to hear. Careful not to place too much weight on it. It’s not that everyone is trying to deceive you, it’s usually because they love you and are suffering from the Halo Effect. Parents are big culprits for this.

This quote I heard from Nassim Taleb sums it up nicely:

Admonish your friends in private; praise them in public. And distrust anyone who does the reverse.

For a period of my life, like many in their early twenties, I consistently acted a fool. I was seen as a crazy party animal not capable of much beyond that. Which was a fair assessment, that was all I wanted to be and I fed into the illusion by way of my dumbass actions. If you want to party, call me bruss!

Full of heart, devoid of thought.

My perceptions of myself at the time were low, so I forgive those who judged me so poorly. They were merely holding up a mirror.

When I broke through that low ceiling of my self-imposed limitations and “settled down”; things changed. Slowly. I was in a new place, new job, different people; but my old ways still continued. There was still the occasional “drink up”, often alone. That guy would just not let the party die…

Retrospectively, I can see that my perceptions of myself hadn’t changed. Lucky for me I didn’t have friends so there was no image built in the minds of others and it broke. I got tired of being myself.

After much work I began to see myself as “old married healthy guy”. Daily exercise, go to bed early, care what I ate. Those around me saw the same. Once again, the mirror was reflecting truth.

But for the first time I was happy with who was looking back.

Change is hard, not impossible. If you desire to be a certain way, imagine yourself that way. Project that image, reinforce that image with congruent actions. Fake it til you make it baby! I have a hard time convincing myself sometimes, but if others are already convinced it will come back.

Oh, and while you’re at it, acknowledge the good in others too. Compliment it, salute it, worship it. Lift them up, upgrade their image. You might need the favour returned.

Only one question remains: who do I want to be this time?