For those of you who feel alienated in room full of people I understand. Today is thanks giving and maybe its just me being crazy but i can’t help but feel so different from everyone. Not superior but different family drama and back sliding is at a all time high and no matter how much you open up to people it seems like its never enough a void that’s eating at you and success makes it worse almost as if even when your doing well you have a mark on your head. The feeling is daunting and no matter how much you try to hide it something is wrong. Am I really this screwed up? why on earth would I feel this way? This has nothing to do with being grateful I love my family, I love my self so why this feeling is it ego? is it rage? have you accepted yourself? Do you know yourself? I woke up this morning optimistic and happy about the day ahead of me when I arrived after sometime I became very anxious no one to really relate to but that’s not the others person problem is it? Ideally you look like the man or woman everyone puts you on this ladder and at the same time brings you down. Confusing isn’t it? How do you act now? keep smiling?or flash? damned if you do damned if you don’t feeling.
Your not alone
I have many things on mind I wonder if I’m doing it myself but then again I was happy before I arrived today I was chosen to say grace and why I don’t know I didn’t deserve to do it especially with what I’ve done lately I’m a Christian but in no means am I perfect I hate the way people treat me as if they know my life. I am disgusted with myself and anyone who throws dirt on my name. This type of vanity is awful because I’m going against myself. I’m never satisfied I’m afraid of not going where I’m supposed to be the end of my road. The distrust has got me feeling alienated, the vanity has got me feeling alienated, me showing love and not feeling like I’m receiving it back has got me feeling alienated. If any of you are feeling this way your not alone. I hope I’m not either can you relate to this?