Faith. In my christian walk I have been very blessed I always was without even knowing… growing up I had all I needed friends likeability shelter the obvious things and all the little things that didn’t matter to most people or they take for granted like peace of mind. Truthfully it is fair to say I have been absolutely spoiled by the grace of God,even now as I mature through life it seems like I am almost babies and guided and I would be lying to you if I told you I don’t enjoy the feeling even saying it brings about a little vanity. Anyway after a rough break up, time in jail, family gossip, and all the normal things life throws at each of us. ( I wen to jail for Letting my ex kick my ass lol WA is a woman’s state) I was bombarded with stress and and real circumstances that were fabricated out of control by mind with no care I was obviously not myself if they did care it was not shown moving along I figured the only way to possibly get over this gut wrenching feeling was prayer and it did work, I myself kept going back and forth between moods of being in the funk so to speak anyone who goes through a rough relationship knows what im talking about I was not physically able to work my body was sore and aching and mentally I was distraught but the Lord was kind… you see after much of the same cycle of behavior I had enough and began to work out of my misery I continually prayed and things were somewhat normal again. More motivated then before money became basically a second priority of my life above my own health and well being the Lord let me have this money, nice dinners, leisures time, I basically was living what I thought was the dream weeks later after all this work had been done a slow a subtle change I was unaware of at the time had been taking its toll in my life. I was less reluctant to give in good measure. Giving was not a problem it was my attitude about giving I was not as cheerful which I know the Lord loves. Taking note of this change I quickly had to evaluate myself was it ego? Did I convince myself I worked so hard that their was no room in my love for others? My emotions answered my own questions for me, it was at that moment I realized something was very wrong. It is true in my case the more money I got the more I found harder to give back. why? I have found that God was literally allowing me to have what I want once again only to find I went about all the wrong way once again. I reset myself and focused on my vision of what I want to do for Christ in my life. The money surely was the root of all evil as it temporarily distorted my vision for Christ. Since then I am optimistic about reclaiming the joy I had when I gave to and for the Lord. Much to my surprise I didnt have to he did it for me… I received a letter from the courthouse late sometime last night stating my court date had been accelerated I was I shock and had not honestly prayed to God in my most sincere form in days. The pain and the darkness was so deep as my mind rushed with negativity and a failed unfulfilled life. I had to make a decision turn to the Lord or try things my own way and lately it seemed by own way kept leaving me just that… on my own. Enough with your stubborn heart I told myself take your matters to the most high as I layed across my bed in. Pain turmoil and strife( my mind tried to convey I should be mad at the Lord) with tears and snot soaking my pillow I cried out Jesus help me I have fallen and I cant get up. I have failed you. I am not worthy.
When I woke up you wouldn’t believe the peace that was put in my heart. The fresh breath of a new day. The light of a new path in a night the Lord restored my heart my whole heart, from the time of my tears to my uprising in the morning the Lord Jesus Christ has taken away my darkness. It is my most sincerest wishes the reader of this allows the same divine love and mercy that God put In my life and yours as well he is not riches he is the well waiting for you to come and be with him.