What I Didn’t Know About Grief Before My Husband Died
I owe an apology to everyone whose pain and suffering came before my pain and suffering. I’m so sorry.
Before my husband died, I didn’t understand your grief. I couldn’t comprehend your loss.
I didn’t know before.
I’m sorry that in my discomfort I avoided you or changed the subject when you craved an acknowledgment of your loss. I wish I had the courage back then to say your loved one’s name after his death. I would’ve shared more stories about the mark he left on the world.
I thought it made you sad to remember. I wasn’t aware of how much it hurts when people forget.
I didn’t know before.
Platitudes Made Me Feel Better, Not You
I wish I could take back all the times I said, “everything happens for a reason.” I didn’t understand those stupid platitudes filling an awkward silence only made me feel better, not you. I didn’t know a simple, “I don’t know what to say” meant more to you than trite cliches like, “time heals all wounds.”
If I could do it all over again, I would listen to your heartache without trying to solve your problems. I thought I was helping you find solutions. I hadn’t learned yet that grief offers no quick fixes.
