Move Thy Booty
Sweat was glistening. Guitars were blaring. Veins started to pop. Drums thrashed.
As I woke myself up in the middle of a lunge, I found my self wondering how the hell did I get here. Just five minutes back I was happily lounging in my bed and trying to read an article on Nazi buildings. I vaguely remember putting my headphones on and playing the Heavy Metal Workout playlist. Next thing I know, I was ‘jumping jacks’ and squatting my thighs to obsolescence.
Removing this sweat-drenched T-shirt, I can see my tiny shoulders turning into Tom Hardy traps. The Pump monster has risen.
When the mighty Austrian Oak compared this pump to orgasm, he was on the right track (even if a bit melodramatic). Once you start feeling your muscles expanding and dreading the morning after, you can see the similarity between both the situations. The only difference to keep in mind, for practical purposes, is knowing in which one to pull out.
From our boar-hunting cave-dwelling ancestors to the next-door Insta Athlete, with a #leanbody and #cleandiet, one common thread is that they all try to push the limits of their bodies. And their bodies respond in an affirmative. Progressive overload, as the fitness-nerds call it, is the name of the trade through which you urge your body to grow. Each time you teach your muscles to reach failure, they will be ready for a heavier, faster & harder challenge next time. A simple strategy of improving each day just by 1%, in a concept of “aggregation of marginal gains”, can work wonders as exemplified by British cycling team which dominated both Tour de France and Olympics in 2012.
You don’t need dumb-bells, Yoga pants or BDSM leather stuff to keep you active. Reach back to your roots and make full use of the environment around you. Look closely and the ground will provide push-ups, the tree will provide chin-ups and your bed will shower crunches on you. And remember, the discount on 1-year gym membership is a ploy by Gym-owners Secret Society (trust me, it’s a thing) to discourage you to come after the first two-weeks. Take one day (or month) at a time and the lines between going to the gym and the loo will merge.
All said and done, you’re losing much more than just bone-density lying all day in that sack binge-watching One Punch Man. Just go-ahead and summon the hulk inside which won’t stop until it smashes all the pull-ups and bench-press records that your neighbor keeps uploading on his Instagram.
Even an ant can lift 5000 times more than its body weight. At least, you don’t steal sugar from someone else’s kitchen. Show them who’s morally & physically better.
Here I leave you with some extremely profound words :
Your body is a mango, which can do a-tango
Do not let it rust, eat pizza with no crust
If all you do is slouch, turn into a potato on couch
Lest your blood becomes Frooti, oh for God’s sake, Move Your Booty!