Will Ludwigsen’s Foul-Mouthed Writing Checklist

Have I mentioned before what a terrible writing teacher I am? I suck. I really do. All I really bring to the table are funny and bombastic pronouncements that maybe stick in student minds 20% of the time. I’m like the Lewis Black of professors, twitching and ranting until we all go home tired.

I keep having a hard time with a rubric that really gets at what I think makes a good story, and after much thought, I think this is pretty much it.

• Is there some sign that the writer gave a shit about this story, put something personal in it?
• Is it told in a voice more engaging than an asshole zombie groaning for brains?
• Does something fucking interesting happen, performed on the page with action and quotes and all that shit?
• Does the main character DO anything or does he/she stand around with a thumb up his/her ass?
• Does the main character feel or learn a goddamned thing at the end?
• Does the manuscript look like someone smarter than a fucking monkey put it together?
• Does the reader give a fuck at the end?
• Does the story go any deeper than the usual superficial bullshit that coddles dumbasses?