I Am Ben Affleck’s Dragon Back Tattoo

I am drifting, aimless. I feel shapeless, indistinct, incomplete. Life is passing and I’m at a standstill. I don’t know who I am or where I am supposed to be. I don’t know how to make sense of anything. My purpose is unclear. Undefined.

I’m at a crucial part of my story and I’m completely adrift.

I haven’t figured things out and I don’t know if I’ll ever figure things out. I’m left in the dark, running my fingers through the walls, trying to find my way to the nearest doorway or exit. Every step seems to be taking me in the opposite or wrong direction. I’m not so much hopeless as I am confused. Lost.

I keep hearing the clock go tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. With every breathe, I feel older. I become older. My youth evades me. I will never be the person I was. I don’t know what to make of myself. I don’t know what to make of the world. I am exhausted and I am restless. I am deflated and elated. I think I am sinking.

I have such rash, brash thoughts. I have so many overwhelming feelings.

I make hasty decisions, with monumental impacts. I can’t escape the laughter that fills the room. I feel suffocating, overstretched. I’m prone to big mistakes.

I am diluted. Disastrous. I have no place being here. I am a plague that grows.

I am Ben Affleck’s dragon back tattoo.

I am unruly and chaotic. I am listless and disorderly. I am mangy and bizarre. I am bloated and boorish. I extend myself too much. I cannot explain myself. I don’t know what to say about myself. I have no good reason to be here, truly.

I feel I am born of spite. Perhaps I am born of self-expression. I don’t feel planned, though perhaps I was. It’s hard for one to say about themselves.

I am swollen. Lopsided. Odd in every measurable sense. And I’m not sensible.

But I am seen. Even if I wasn’t meant to be. Even if I am often covered, hidden. I make my presence known. Is that my flaw or my virtue? Hard for me to say.

I amass ridicule and I impress only a few. But I am here, all the same. And I cannot go away. Not without burden or hassle, at the very least. I am present.

I am Ben Affleck’s dragon back tattoo.

Mock me if you wish. I won’t stop you if you do. I am myself because that’s all I can be. If I change, it’ll be with great difficulty and perhaps personal shame. I will leave scars and I’ll never completely go away. If little else, I made a mark.

I don’t know how I’ll be remembered, but I don’t see myself being forgotten.

I choose not to explain myself, though I know that I will.

If I’m a mistake, then at least I am an astounding one. I am big. I am brazen.

I am beyond comprehension.

I am concealed. I am risen. I am pride built upon shame. Perhaps visa versa.

I have wings. I meant to fly. I am a corny bastard.

To see me is to know me. To laugh at me is to know that I made an impression.

I am bold. I am brash. I am ashamed. I am invigorated. I am personal. I am ridiculous. I am not sensible. I am confident. I am insecure. I am colorful. I am difficult. I am instinctive. I am deeply confounding. I’m what you make of me.

I am Ben Affleck’s dragon back tattoo.