7 (Mostly) Easy Steps Toward Better Sleep

Like thousands of Americans, I’ve struggled with insomnia. I’ve had weeks so bad that my best nights were the ones where I passed because exhaustion finally kicked in. But I finally figured things out. And over the past few weeks, I’ve had some of the best sleep of my entire life.

But before I explain my new process, first some backstory:

Like most people who have trouble sleeping, I read and tried about everything I could think of.

I tried over-the-counter medications that sometimes worked, but mostly left me feeling groggy.

I took prescription drugs that came with scary warning labels. (I stopped taking these because they made me feel highly emotional in hard ways.)

I cut caffeine, exercised regularly, listened to white noise, blocked blue light, meditated, ate vegetarian dinners, and developed a very cozy bedtime routine, including sleepy teas, candles, gentle new age music, and some very comfy pants.

And I wore earplugs and a sleep mask (two sleep masks in fact, the extra one to blockout the light near my nose).

I even tried making my entire apartment very cold. It was the coldest night of my life, and I’ve lived in Kansas; but that’s about all that happened.

I bought some new pillows that I like a lot (but that didn’t really do much). I almost bought a new bed. There are lots of magical beds out there, supposedly.

I thought about trying magnesium. A lot of people swear by it. But there’s not much research on it. Check Google Scholar if you don’t believe me.

And I’d commiserate with friends and colleagues. I swear about 20% of what I spoke to my advisor in graduate school about was about how much we both couldn’t sleep at night.

So most nights I’d try to sleep and fail. If I didn’t fall asleep right away, which was most nights, I’d get out of bed and read a book or a magazine. And then try to sleep again.

(I started doing this because I had a statistics professor tell me once that if you lie in bed for too long and don’t sleep, your brain starts doing things similar to those with schizophrenia. No shade to those with schizophrenia.)

I went as far as I could go without surgery (for who knows what) or a CPAP machine (though I was always super interested in the idea).

I eventually resolved myself to the fact that sleep was not for me. That this was my life, and the best thing to do was to stop worrying and just be fine with it.

So I did that. I’d take two diphenhydramine a couple hours before bed, as well as do a few other things that were supposedly good for sleep (because it’s hard to break the “I gotta try something” habit).

But then I figured it out. And while I kinda stumbled upon the solution, some of the parts are based on things I’d heard about over the years.

Basically, the trick for me is to start going to bed as soon as it starts to get dark outside. I make my bedroom very dark and then hangout until I’m sleepy. And then I sleep.

I haven’t worked out all the bugs. That is, I’m sure I’m still doing things to fall asleep that are irrelevant. But here’s a more detailed breakdown of my favorite routine.

1. Go to the bedroom as soon as dusk is over and it starts to get dark (between 8:00–8:30 PM).
2. Light enough candles to read by (about 1–2). This is the only light source in the room.
3. Close the door and block all the lights. (I have blackout curtains, blackout blinds, and a door draft stopper.)
4. Read a book or a magazine until I get that sleepy feeling. (I read physical books, no phones allowed.)
5. Do some stretches. I do a bunch of stretches, like the ones you probably learned in high school. I stretch every muscle for about 30 seconds each. Don’t forget the safe neck rolls. They feel amazing.
6. Read again until I feel that sleepy feeling again (about 20 minutes).
7. Put in some ear plugs, blow out the candles, and then go to bed.

I do this every night and I wake up refreshed and well rested — like in all the ads. I have loads of energy and my mind gives me better thoughts throughout the day.

It’s not all perfect, though. I still wake up a bunch throughout the night. But it’s super easy to fall back asleep. I don’t get those racing thoughts like I used to.

And it’s easy to break the routine. Some nights I’ll watch one more show. And that extra 30 minutes can make it harder to wind down (though not impossible).

And I still can’t drink coffee (like more than 4 oz at 6:00 AM and I’m up all night).

And the routine isn’t immediate. It takes me about 2–3 days to establish a good rhythm. So if I’m up late one night, I know I’m going to pay for it over the next few days.

But honestly, the most difficult part of the routine is that it’s kinda boring. Some nights I just don’t want to read. And other nights I just don’t want to stretch. But it’s not that boring. And it only takes a little pushing before I’m past these feelings and out for the night.

So that’s it, that’s my journey to better sleep. For those who made it this far, thanks for reading! It’s not a perfect system, but it leaves me feeling refreshed each morning, without drugs or spending a ton of money. Hopefully the above helps you in some way, so you too can finally make it, and find the sleep routine that’s right for you.