5 steps to living a miserable life
This article is written so that you can remove the mentioned habits from your life. I would recommend that you do the exact opposite.
Many people will tell you how to be happy. We’re flooded by content that tries to help us live a life of joy and to improve ourselves, but what if you’re not trying to be happy?
Your goal may actually be to become the saddest person who’s ever lived and get a truly miserable life. If that feels like you, you’re reading the perfect article for you.
I’ll guide you through the first five steps that’ll help you on the path to misery. Are you ready? Let’s get started.
1. Stay still
Don’t move! If you want to be sad, the most powerful method is the stay still. Be in the same room all day. I doesn’t matter if you’re eating, working, sleeping or any of the other things that you usually do. You should always be there.
Maybe watch The Office a seventh time while you’re at it? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. You should just lay in your bed all day. The dinner that you had planned with your friends can wait.
Thinking about going for a run? You have to resist the urge at all costs. Exercising is a big opponent for you on the path to misery, so whenever you want to move, stay still. Soon, even reaching for the phone in your pocket will feel like exercise.
2. Cut off all contacts
You are now staying in your room all day. The next step will be to stop interacting with other people. Yes, that includes the daily calls that you have with your mother.
Remove all contacts from your phone and block everyone who tries calling or messaging you. If someone knocks on your door, don’t open. They’ll walk away soon when they see that all the curtains are pulled down and that no one is moving indoors.
Do you feel like calling someone? Don’t. Don’t even message them.
3. Disrupt your sleep cycle
Did you think that you’d get to sleep regularly? If you did, you probably weren’t serious enough about trying to be sad. This is one of the most important steps, since sleep is the foundation to having any energy during the day, learning and simply being happy.
Never wake up at the same time and never get to sleep at the same time. The amount of sleep that you get each night should always vary, but should never get as high as 7 hours.
You will also want to remove all natural light. Without it, you’ll loose track of time and eliminate the risk of getting a good sleep cycle.
Set an alarm every single day so you don’t wake up naturally. You’ll hate the alarm signal in just a few days. This is not true exclusively for miserable people though.
4. Maximise screen time
Never let go of your phone. Always have it in your pocket or in your hands. When you sleep (which you won’t do much), have it in arms reach.
Your phone will be the secret weapon to misery. Whenever you’re bored or feeling sleepy, you should let it entertain you.
Wanna go to the gym? Grab the phone instead. Wanna sleep? Grab the phone instead. Wanna write your next article on Medium? Grab the phone instead.
Scroll through social media and comment only when you know that no one will ever care about it. This way, you’ll be screaming into an empty void without anyone hearing you.
5. Never think about the long term
If you feel like getting pizza today as well, order it. If you wanna watch Netflix, do so. Don’t think about all the other things that you should do.
When the wheel of misery starts rolling for you, this’ll become second nature. You won’t even feel like planning for the future. Instead, you’ll be driven by short term pleasure that slowly swallows your happiness.
If you ever happen to start planning for the future though, remember to make the goals huge, vague and unrealistic. When you do this, you’ll feel like a failure every time that you can’t complete the unachievable goals, and feeling like a failure is a huge part of being miserable.
Conclusion
In todays society, we’re continuously faced with ways to live a better life. Follow the guide above and you’ll be able to achieve the exact opposite — misery.
The five steps:
- Stay still
- Cut off all contacts
- Disrupt your sleep cycle
- Maximise screen time
- Never think about the long term
If you follow all of this, you’ll be living your worst life in no time and you won’t even have anyone left in your life to complain to. You’ll finally be miserable.
