Cuban fashion, its all white I guess.

Dear Cuba,

As much as I love the pastel colours of your buildings I struggle to love the colours of your fashion choices. Namely being the dedication to wearing nothing but white clothes. This is no accident and you know it. Hell, your more creative inhabitants have been trying out all blue or red or green, but to no avail.

I promise to appreciate all fashion if I see some sign of conscious effort to look nice, but please, you’re pushing my limit. I get that Santeria (a local and popular religion) requires you to wear all white, but something makes me doubt that people in your night clubs are practicing so devoutly. Your god(s) will forgive you if your umbrella isn’t also white, I’m fairly sure.

I wish this was where it ends, but nay. You have to push me further. I am hoping someone might actually be able to explain this one to me, but why do you roll your t-shirts half-way up? If it’s to show off your amazing chiseled bodies then congrats but someone might want to explain what a ‘chiseled’ body looks like. It’s certainly not a gut that hangs over your belt. If it’s to combat the crippling heat then surely just go shirtless not half and half, surely you know this is less effective and less enjoyable for those around you.

Three words for you Cuba:

FREE THE NIPPLE.

You’re halfway there, just take the t-shirt off entirely. Please.

Also, are your washing machines particularly evil? Do they eat both of your socks every time you put them in the wash? Rather than spitting out only one sock, your washing machine troll toll you seems to cost you both socks. I saw far too many people roaming the streets with no socks on. You do understand it’s more out of necessity than fashion that we wear them? Your poor feet must be so chafed and blistered. Couple this with your obsessive love for jorts and capri pants, and you have enough ankle to fill a book of puritan pornography.

Jeans are meant to fit you properly nowadays

And finally, when you go clubbing it seems you’ve been trapped in an Ed Hardy store for the last year. Kanye might still be a fashion icon but you’re stuck on 2007 shutter shades Kanye. I had higher hopes Cuba, I really did, but then you let me down after I saw yet another person with a fedora on, and not in the classy way. It’s never in the classy way. Cuba, you should think long and hard about what you’ve done.

I’ll be honest, I would be quite happy if I could dance like a Cuban, or relax like a Cuban (excessively), but so help me god should I ever dress like a Cuban.

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