Where the f*ck is my Ciego Montero?

A thirsty boy seeks lemon liquid.

So. Ciego Montero is Cuba’s equivalent to Coca-Cola. A beverage company that seems to hold a monopoly over the consumption of just about every liquid in your day to day life. They also have the audacity to call themselves Cuba’s number one drinks company, despite them being the ONLY drinks company. You know, because of all the communism and government ownership and stuff.

But much like most things in Cuba, you can never quite get what you want. This is now addressing my larger qualms with Cuba, not just their carbonated beverages.

Eating in Cuban restaurants becomes a bit of a game, you will never get your first choice of meal or drink. Instead you have to select a variety of dishes and make an offering to whichever deity you believe in that they might accidentally have enough ingredients to cook that for you. after they have rejected your first and second and third choices you are suddenly left with the last thing on their menu. A ham and cheese sandwich.

Communism in Cuba gets some things right but the food industry it does not. When everyone gets the same food in the same quantities at the same times, you start to run out of those same foods at the same times. Meaning one day every restaurant offers a lovely shredded beef dish with sweet potatoes and pineapple (the national dish), and then wait 72 hours and suddenly all that’s left is ham and cheese (the real national dish). This is where my Ciego Montero comes in, for they have a great alternative of Sprite with far more lemon and lime juice and all round it’s a great drink. However, if you ever actually want to quench your thirst then be expected to walk from supermarket to shop to village hut before you find one. The country seems to ebb and flow in the possession of Ciego Montero, and quite frankly I don’t know how they can cope with it. I need my Ciego Montero.

Let’s stay optimistic now, any restaurants that claims a sandwich constitutes an entire meal worthy of leaving your house for, might just have an exceptional sandwich but no. This is bread so stale you’d feel bad feeding it to the ducks. Delicately thrown at this bread is a slice of ham into only one end of the sandwich so that they can then shove the thick sliced cheese blocks into the other end. This creation is then compressed beneath a toastie maker from the 1820's just long enough that they can claim they have ‘cooked’ it.

Okay I admit, I’m being difficult, but hear me out. It shouldn’t be so hard to manage your supply chains really, it’s BTEC level education.