Recognising Shift

Occasionally I experience feelings of intense disappointment.

It is a feeling within me of hopelessness and lost aspiration and future hopes seem futile to hold.

These feelings have arisen within me in respect of the choices which my adult children have made.

When I feel hurt and disappointed, I have been able, in recent times, to recognise the shift which I have undergone, because, it is, as if, this feeling is coming from somewhere else, rather than from the centre of things.

In recognising this shift, I am reminded that my feelings in the present moment are a call from the past, of an old narrative in which I exercised power and control over their lives, albeit with love.

I think I just love them too much, and I have such a strong opinion on their worth to me in the world, that anything I perceive to be short of that ideal in their lives, provokes within me a sense of helplessness.

In ceding control to them over their life choices, I have handed over power and control and authority to them, and in recognising that shift I am able to feel into a strong sense of satisfaction, because the truth which has not shifted, is my love for them.

William Defoe