Expect the Unexpected
Disappointment, I think that as people are entering their adult life deeper, we experience disappointment in various forms and it also comes from various people. I’m not saying that kids cannot feel the same feeling, I think that when kids experience disappointment it creates a worse issue for their future that they cannot understand currently.
Kids experience disappointment mainly from the closest person in their life, parents or maybe siblings. But, mainly are from their parents. It is not easy to be a parents, yes it is true! But I think kids still do not understand the difficulty of it. So, in my opinion the parents still need to let go some ego and put a lot of efforts in making their kids to trust them and not disappointed in them.
But, the point is not about the kids, we can talk a lot more about the kids. But, let’s just talk about the youngster, because disappointments can become a toxic for our life.
If we think about it, the concept of disappointment comes from the unachieved expectation towards a certain thing. We can take a simple example of going out and eating in a new restaurant. Before we go to the new restaurant, we have checked everything. From the internet we learned that the restaurant has an awesome interior, the price range is not that low, the service looks extraordinary. Therefore, we expect that the service and the taste of the food are supposed to be good or maybe awesome. We have a 5 stars of expectation, but when we come to the restaurant and have a dinner with friends, family, or with your partner, the taste of the food is not as good as what it looks. The foods are not as appealing as the pictures. Therefore, the reality is below our expectation, and it creates disappointment. But, if the reality is over our expectation it creates satisfaction.
So, the difference between disappointment and satisfaction is on the level of expectation. If we have a high expectation, it means the restaurant will need to set a superior service and taste to achieve your expectation. But, if that is the point, the restaurant will not survive if they have to re-adjust their service level to every customer’s expectation and the restaurant itself does not know our expectation level, right? Therefore we cannot expect the restaurant to adjust their service and food taste, because it is an uncontrollable thing for us, but it is a controllable thing for the restaurant. But, we are not talking about the restaurant, we are talking about ourselves.
Therefore, we need to control our own expectation towards something, because that is the only thing that we can control in order to have a lower disappointment level or in order to achieve the satisfaction that we want.
People say “Expect nothing to have a happier life” if then, we should never hope on something? If we are talking about the restaurant’s food, that is a simple stuff. How about expecting our life to be better?
Everyone wants to have a better life, if we do something we expect that we can get something good out of it, we want our hard-works to pay off in the end, but will it? I am maybe a rare species, people say that we do not need to work hard, but instead work smart. For me, people still need to work hard in order to achieve something and you need to work smart in order to allocate your time so you can achieve more. However, the result of it is still uncontrollable, when you start expecting that something might work out in the end is still a dangerous thought, because it has a huge percentage of creating disappointment.
So, should we not expect? I think expect the unexpected is the best way to expect. I still believe that there is a certain correlation between expecting and hoping something to result.
Expect the unexpected, Hope for the unexpected, I think we can still agree that those are the same thing. Are we expecting for good things to happen most of the time? no! I think there are times when we expect for bad things to happen and maybe that sometimes we call it as consequences, right? I did bad things in the past and here are my consequences or my karma.
Survey indicates that adults make 35,000 decisions everyday, are we not expecting every single decisions that we make? Of course not, because there are small decisions as well that we make on a daily basis that the risk of it is bearable. But, for big decisions we are expecting things because there are risks that we might not be able to afford. Let’s go back to the restaurant example, why do we feel disappointed when we taste the bad food? Because we know that after we eat it, we have to pay a huge amount of money that is not good. If the food is not expensive, maybe we might have a lower level of disappointment, but since this is expensive. So, the food has to be good or else I will be disappointed. Maybe we have heard that sentence many times?
“You have to do good to me, because I am your girlfriend, or else I will be disappointed with you”
don’t you think that this sentence is a bit scary? If you expect a restaurant to have a good food, having a “good” food itself is already relative per person, you can say it is bad, but other people can say it is good. But, when you expect something from someone who are close with you, your family, parents, or partner, it creates fear for the people. When there are expectation it means that there should be a “good performance” that has to be done. If you love someone, it should be fine right when your loved ones make mistakes? We are human we make mistakes.
Therefore, when we expect the unexpected, we create hundreds of possible outcomes that might occur from a single event. Yes the food from the restaurant is bad, but there are things that we can learn, what are those? we need to find a better review, we also have to learn that we need to have more spare money if we want to eat in a fancy restaurant, we can learn that we might not like the food that we ate but other people might like it, and it is just about personal preferences. We can also learn that we do not need to come to that place again, if we do not feel like it.
The other thing that we can control is our response to the unexpected situations, and this is the most important. You don’t have to expect the unexpected if you can emit right responses during an unexpected situations. We think that we have to be furious when someone do bad things to us, but in the end we decided to forgive the people. I think that’s the most healthy decision in an unexpected situations. Okay, the food in that restaurant is bad and it does not worth the price but that’s okay, maybe other people might like, but I don’t like it and that’s okay now I know about that restaurant.
I think when we are able to think like that and we are able to find good things in bad situations. Yes we can feel the disappointment, but it will only for a while and we will not be consumed by the disappointments, and we will be able to keep the good mood all the time.