Sometimes I open up Medium, only to get transported into what feels like a parallel universe.
For most of my life, I’ve faced rejection from women — and the only logical conclusion was that I was not good enough. A couple of months ago I had my first high school reunion after ten years. There I saw someone again, and a couple of days later decided to write her how I have felt for the past 16 years. In school I had never had the courage to approach her directly because I knew I was not good enough. Now I finally did, and I finally got the external confirmation that I am, in fact, not good enough. Never was. It was an incredibly kind decline coupled with a compliment, but it was a decline nonetheless. She’s still the most beautiful and warm person and I still cry when I think about her.
I try to be a logically thinking person, and so I think this can be boiled down to a simple equation. If I am in love with someone, even if I only have romantic interest in someone, then that means I see something positive in them. If they reject me, this rejection has nothing to do with them and it doesn’t change them — it has something to do with me. The idea that this turns them into a bitch (or a creep or whatever women say in such a situation) doesn’t logically make any sense. Just as our world is not the center of the universe, I’m not the center of the world; nobody is obligated to be attracted to me. The only way a woman would be a bitch was if she reacted to my heartfelt approach in a heartless way. In that case I would have misjudged her character.
If men are indeed turning their hurt feelings into anger in a statistically significant number (which honestly, I can’t confirm — I’ve never witnessed this behavior), then this has to be due to culture. Maybe they are incentivized to reflect the blame onto others, maybe they are brought up with a certain degree of arrogance that others have to look up to them; I don’t know. The only thing I know is that it is not the same in every culture, so there has to be a cultural solution to this.