An Open Letter to The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest

I believe there has been a mistake. It has come to my attention that one “Pamela Aall” of Washington D.C. is a finalist in this week’s coveted cartoon caption contest. If you recall, Pamela submitted the phrase “C’mon, live a little.” I’ve included the comic below for your reference:

This is obviously hilarious. There is a man in casual clothes offering a beer to none other than THE GRIM REAPER, the arbiter of life and death and the exact opposite of someone who could “live a little.” Funny! In short: this is a truly great caption. “C’mon, live a little” is obviously far superior to the amateurish and pandering captions submitted by the pompous “Brian from Sacramento” and disgusting “Howard from Fairfield” and I’m sure they’re humiliated to find their captions sandwiching the absolutely spot-on submission from Pamela.

However, instead of having a tightlipped smile and muttering “well done” to myself as I usually do, I found my spirits sink. The caption that should have brought me indescribable mirth and joy left me feeling hollow and betrayed.

Why? I’ll tell you.

This was the precise caption I have submitted to your magazine every single week for the past ten years.