Because sometimes you just want to be found.
Have you ever feel in dire need to get acceptance from other people? That you would do anything just to please them? Just to get their approval?
If so, then we are one of a kind. All of my life, I have been showing the side that everybody expects me to be. Most of my actions will be determined by how others approval. If I were about to do something that everybody will not expect me to do, then I’ll stop doing it. In short, I have locked my true self inside me.
Most people also walk along the same path. Wearing the so called “society masks” while hiding their true self inside. Afraid of rejection, afraid of the opinions from the community around them.
It took years until I realize my true colors and I know exactly why I couldn’t let it go. I locked it within myself and averted my gaze from the truth.
However, I realized that what I truly wanted was to be criticized and shown the light. I wanted someone to see through the pretentious clown that I was. They were eyes looking in from the outside.
And so I held high hopes.
Thought they might be able to find me.
Thought they might be able to see through me.
Have you ever feel tired for not being absolutely yourself and tried your best just to become someone that isn’t yourself? Have you ever wish that someone will break down that walls of mask and pull you out from your misery?
If so, then we both need to start exposing ourselves.
Exposing ourself is hard and scary. It makes us vulnerable. It means that we must give them the knowledge of our weaknesses and how they can exploit our feelings.
Most of the times, when we are getting comfortable with someone, we trusted them enough, exposed ourselves and shared our lives with them. But as soon as it happened they snapped and suddenly change, leaving us into depression.
Even though I only opened up to a very limited number of people, I do feel the pain of getting rejected for who I am. Even though they said they will accept my ugly side, the truth is they will never know what they do until they see the real us.
I’m on the verge of giving up, when I remember my family. The ones who exactly knows my good and bad, the ones who I usually yell at, despise, yet still love me for who I am.
Then I realize, if a person truly loves you, they will not use your weaknesses against you. Instead, they will use it for additional reason to love you even more.
Love exists because we humans are imperfect. We need sympathy and love to look out to each other imperfections. If a person is perfect, then there’d be no need to love anymore. A perfect human cannot love anyone.
And so, don’t be afraid to be who you are. If people love you for something that you are not, then you are wasting your potential. You do not need to earn other’s love. A genuine relationship can only be achieved if you accept each other flaws and support each other to maximize your potential.
This has been a struggle for me up to now. But seeing my progress, I know which people who stayed despite my terrible personality. After all, when I think about it, I do prefer having a smaller circle of friends where I can absolutely be myself rather than a big circle of friends where I suffer like hell because I am afraid to do anything.
In the end, you can distinguish the people you need and the people who need you for something you are not. Opening up is certainly hard and it takes time, but just remember to value yourself and the people who stayed when everybody left. It’s always your choice. Choose wisely who you get close with.