Father’s Day is tough for me. I don’t have a dad, because the man who was my father made a choice, when I was a child, to be my bully, instead.

For my entire life, this man was implacable, inscrutable, and entirely unwilling to have any kind of relationship with me … yet he still felt entitled to my adoration an attention. Every day was a new puzzle to be solved, a new set of circumstances I had to figure out, so I could somehow evade his wrath and his cruelty.

In short, the man who was my father is an awful, selfish, cruel, racist, narcissist, and he made a choice to withhold his love and affection from me. Instead, he poured his rage, his shame, his scorn, and his cruelty into me. In my dysfunctional family, he made me the Scapegoat, and my mother went along with it. …

A gentle reminder: when we are out in the world, it’s incredibly important to maintain a six foot distance from each other. The virus doesn’t go away and stop being dangerous, once we walk into a store.

Most of us who are able to quarantine have been doing that, and it’s working to flatten the infection curve, to give our doctors and researchers time to find a vaccine and a treatment to reduce the mortality rate of this virus. Most of us aren’t sick, and we aren’t carriers. …

I don’t know if any of you who follow me here also follow me on any other social networks, so for those of you who don’t know already, this post is for you.

For the last month or so, I’ve been digging up really great public domain short stories, and narrating them, then releasing them for free on my SoundCloud.

Wait. I need to back up, because you probably don’t know this: I’m a New York Times #1 Bestselling audiobook narrator. (FLEX) I am, by far, not the worst at narrating the written word. …

America had come together, setting aside all of our own wants and needs, to engage in the single greatest act of human kindness in history. We all stayed home, at great expense and inconvenience, so the most vulnerable among us wouldn’t die a preventable death.

I want you to think about this for a moment, before I continue: there is someone you love, who is at risk of serious infection and death,right now. I am staying home for that person, so you don’t lose someone you love. I am not the only person doing this. You’re doing this. Your family and your neighbors are doing this. …

As we watch right-wing agitators, Fascists, media personalities, and the impeached president howl about ending Stay at Home before the public health experts say we should, remember that, as a SPECIES, we are only as safe as the least-protected person among us.

I am so grateful to live in a city, county, and state that has leadership that understands that. I can practice responsible social distancing, I can stay at home, and I can be a responsible and compassionate member of society, knowing that I’m supported by my local and state government.

I am terrified that right wing state governments will end Stay At Home before the public health experts say it’s safe to do so, and even places like Los Angeles, which are sort of politically insulated from the worst impulses of the Fascists in the federal and various state governments, will be right back to where we were when this all started, and all this Stay at Home we’ve all been responsibly doing, because we care about our neighbors and loved ones, will be for nothing. I can’t even imagine how terrifying it must be to live in a place like Michigan, where we see the profoundly ignorant, following the profoundly evil, hearing the call to turn public health — the very life and death of our fellow humans — into just another part of the culture war. …

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My friend, Will Hindmarch, is a brilliant writer and game designer. He’s one of the smartest people I know, and his weekly newsletter always challenges and inspires me.

In this week’s newsletter, he talks about playing a video game called CONTROL, which by coincidence, I began playing over the weekend.

I wanted to share some thoughts here that I shared with Will privately, because I’m interested to hear your thoughts on my thoughts.

Will said:

> As of this week, I’m also playing Control again, and glad to be doing so.

Here’s my reply to him:

This game is beguiling me. I have only faced three boss battles, and I’ve nearly quit during each one. I love the story, I love the visual and audio design, and I love the puzzles. The voice acting is sensational. But boy do I hate it when it becomes a video game with a boss battle, especially when it takes two dozen or so runs at it to get the shape of the level, and you have to sit through 30 second loading screens every time you die. …

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I was asked: Is it really accountability if he’s not removed and barred from running for another term? Is it accountability if he’s not actually imprisoned for his “high crimes and misdemeanors”?

I answered: I do think it is, and I’m going to spend a few hundred words expressing why, if you care to hear them.

The House is a far more small-d democratic institution than the Senate. The House is designed to represent the people, while the Senate is designed to prevent the people from acting against the interests of the wealthy and powerful.

As far as I am concerned, knowing the fix is in once this gets to the Senate, knowing that McConnell is as corrupted and venal as they come, the inevitable refusal by the Senate majority to remove Trump from office does not mean Trump did not commit the crimes he is accused of committing. It means that the Republican-controlled Senate does not respect the oath of office, does not respect the rule of law, does not care about the future of America and American democracy, and is primarily concerned with consolidating and preserving power against the will of the majority of Americans. This question about to be before them is not about Trump, it is about the Republican Party. …

For the first time in his cruel, racist, abusive, mendacious, privileged life, Donald Trump has been held accountable for his actions. A majority of Congresspersons, representing a majority of Americans, have done all they can do to protect and defend our country from Donald Trump’s crimes. The American people have spoken, and the American people believe Donald Trump abused his power and obstructed Congress, in violation of the laws of our nation.

The trial of Donald Trump is over. Donald Trump is guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors. …

For as long as I can remember, I have had insomnia to some extent. It is very hard for me to fall asleep, and I struggle to stay asleep. It’s not uncommon for me to wake up four or five times a night.

Because that doesn’t make existing in the world difficult enough, my natural Circadian rhythm wants to stay awake until 2 or 3 in the morning, and it doesn’t want to get out of bed until 10 or 11. I have *always* been like this, and no amount of exercise, natural or prescription drugs, meditations or pacts with the devil have been able to change it. …

One of my biggest regrets in my life is that I didn’t go to college. When I was 18 and desperate to get out of my parents’ house, I moved to Westwood, where UCLA is, and moved in with Chris Hardwick, who I’d known for a little bit, and who was already attending.

I planned to enroll in two years of Extension, and then apply to the university after. I have no idea if that is even a thing that a kid can or could do, though, because the instant I started filling out my Extension forms, I panicked.

What if I didn’t know how to be a college student? What if I failed? I was certainly going to fail. I was a stupid actor. I knew that. Mrs. Lee told me that in 9th grade, and my dad has spent my whole life making it really clear to me that I was worthless (fun sidebar: when I was 19 or 20, I read The Portable Nietzsche. I thought a lot of it was bullshit nihilism, but some of it resonated with young me. I wanted to share that with my dad, whose approval and affection I craved, desperately. When I did, he told me I was “being a fucking intellectual” and “nobody likes a fucking intellectual.” I was so humiliated and kicked in the balls by that statement, I never pursued any further reading of philosophy, or mentioned it to him, again). I didn’t even have real public high school experience beyond one awful semester when I was a Freshman. I had no idea what to do, and I was so afraid of failure, I never turned the forms in. …


Wizard. Time Lord. Fake geek girl. On a good day I am charming as fuck.

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