The Average Routine of an Average Guy

06.00: Alarm rang. Hit snooze. 10 minutes. Hit snooze again. And again. Secretly grunting in sleep, “well nobody will notice when I’m late anyway”.

07.00: Wake up reluctantly. Shower, take whatever in his closet to put on. “Damn, my shirt is too small again, why am I keep getting fatter??”, while gulping his “healthy breakfast”, a gallon of chocolate milk and 5 pieces of chocolate bread.

07.30: Start driving to office. “Public transportation is for losers”, “I’m a successful member of the middle class, who drive car”. Car price equals to 3 years of his yearly income, and still have 6 years until fully paid.

07.50: Hit by a traffic jam. Curses Jakarta. “Stupid governor, stupid people, making me late again!”. Ignores that he woke up late.

10.00: Enter office. Late by 1 hour BUT, “it’s OK, I’m underpaid anyway!”. Sneak around so he’s not seen. Turn on his laptop, “well let’s build mood to work”. Open Facebook.

11.00: Finished debating about current Jakarta election on Facebook. “I’m so smart, they must know”. Forgot that he’s supposed to work. “Well let’s do it after lunch.”

12:00: Lunch. Gather with his co-workers. Jokes around and make crude remark about a pretty girl in the building. “If you like her why don’t you say hi?”, his friend says. “Nah, I’m a professional, bro. I don’t date around near office, bro. She’s not my long term type also. I’m aiming to settle, bro.”.

13.40: Returns to desk. Start working, finally.

15.00: Send work to his seniors. “I’m really underpaid, this is really hard work”. Go downstairs to smoke and gossip. Complain with his friends about how their company pays very little, “we’re doing all the work, it’s unfair”. All of his broke friends nod in agreement. Another guy smoking then commented, “if you are underpaid why don’t you find another job?”. “Oh, I don’t have the time to fix my CV, I’m busy, you see.”

16.00: Return from smoke break. Check emails. His Senior ask for minor revision. Ticked off. Take a picture of the email, post it in social media, with caption about the hard life of office work. Spend the next 50 minutes checking the amount of “Love” in Path and replying to his friends’ comments, instead of doing the work.

17.00: Talk to his Senior that the revision will have to wait until tomorrow, since there are other tasks at hand (there aren’t). His Senior nod but secretly erased him from this year’s promotion list. Goof around until 18.00. “You can’t work after 5pm, it’s forbidden, bro!”

18.00: Go home. Traffic jam again. Curse Jakarta, the Governor, and all of its people, again.

19.30: Arrive at home. “Working is so tiring, let me grab a huge dinner”. Eat everything at the table. His parents say, “you are getting bigger, shouldn’t you be eating less and working out more?”. He replies, “don’t worry, my job doesn’t require me to be thin. And people likes me for who I am also! There are a lot of girls who find me cute!”

20.00: Finish dinner. Text a girl from office that he likes, asking if she wants to go out next Saturday. Rejected. Angry, “Why don’t she like me?! I have a job, and I’m nice also!”

20.30: Start PC. Play video games.

23.00: Turn off PC. Get ready to sleep, but still depressed because of the girl. Open his PC again and start to masturbate furiously.

24.00: Try to sleep again. “Oh shit, tomorrow I have to work again. I don’t really have any time at all. Why am I not born rich?”

…, and repeat.

This post is written for humor purpose.

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