How to cure Wine Order Phobia
In my last post, we looked at identifying the two major flaws of wine, corking and oxidisation. I hope that helped you become more confident in ordering wine and dealing with sommeliers.
In this post, we are looking at that very scary topic of having to order wine in a restaurant. We have all been there — you know very little about wine, go to a restaurant with friends, colleagues, or even clients — and someone passes you the wine list and says: “you choose”. This feels like a very awkward moment, cold sweat is forming, and you know that your choice will reflect very well or very poorly on your style and level of refinement. The road to a culinary faux-pas has never been that short. Eternal embarrassment can be yours.
But — it doesn’t have to be that way. Wine is indeed a complex body of knowledge, but there are shortcuts that you can take, which will make you look like a long-time aficionado and make you the go-to guy about wine in no time!
First of all, let’s look at the slightly less complex choice of wine by the glass, say when you are on your own. Imagine you are travelling for work, having dinner in a restaurant down the road and want to enjoy a glass of something nice.
The first step with every wine selection in a restaurant is to understand how restaurants build their wine list. Wine — as I mentioned in my earlier article — is a high-margin item in any restaurant. But restaurants also want to give you a cheaper wine option in case you don’t want to spend a lot. The key lesson is that you must never ever choose the cheapest wine by the glass. This is where a restaurant makes most of their margin (in the by the glass category). Why not you ask? Because as a rule of thumb the cost to the restaurant for buying a bottle of the stuff is less than what they charge you by the glass. I am generalising here of course but the cheapest wine on a restaurant price list is usually dirt cheap when you buy it in a bottle shop — and a 750ml bottle of wine yields 5 glasses in a restaurant setting. So — go for the second cheapest. That is usually a bargain with a very attractive price performance ratio.
Now — the second step after understanding basic wine sales economics is that you will have to know what you want. This is not the article to go into wine ratings and the like, but it is a good point in time to point out some basic rules about drinking wine:
- Good wine is wine that YOU like
- The price in wine is an arbitrary number driven partially by marketing and partially by scarcity of resources (like single vineyard wines etc). Mainly by marketing though. Don’t let a high price be a positive decision point for you
- If you want wine matched to your dishes and you are not sure, ask the sommelier. That’s their job — they know the dishes in the restaurant and their wine list — they will be able to tell you with certainty which wine to choose. And you can direct them by telling them your preferences (fruity vs. earthy, simple vs. complex, heavy vs. light, etc.)
- Experimentation will usually be rewarded — either by a brilliant wine you never had before or an insight into what you most definitely do not like. Either way, your knowledge about wine will increase and more often than not, you will have a great time learning!
- “Common Sense” wine rules are usually nonsense. “No red wine with fish” for instance is something you hear a lot. Of course, a bottle of Brunello with a tender, subtly flavoured fish is not a good idea as the wine will overpower the fish. However, if you have a strong-tasting fish dish and a well-matched light red wine (or a rosé), there is no reason whatsoever to forego that experience just because “common sense” has an issue with it.
Now that you mastered ordering wine for yourself in a restaurant, let’s look at the group pressure version of that event. First of all, there is no shame in passing the buck and giving the list to someone else. But this is not an article about ignoring the possibility of learning! So, you are not passing. Before ordering anything, get a feeling for what the group likes — and also what food they are ordering. Rule #5 notwithstanding, if everyone is eating fish, order a white wine. If everybody but one are ordering meat, then the person ordering seafood can have a wine by the glass while you order a bottle of something red.
Don’t ever hesitate to ask the sommelier about a recommendation (see rule #2). I usually make up my mind about a couple of options and if there’s something exciting that I do not know about yet, I’ll ask the sommelier and get their opinion.
Now how do I make up my mind? Some simple rules about food matching:
- Fat needs acidity — acidity cuts through the fat. So if you are having fatty foods, you need a reasonable acidic wine that can deal with it.
- Red wine for meat: if you have a mix of meats from steak to poultry at the table, go for a Pinot Noir. They are very versatile and if you choose the right one, will go very well with all kinds of food. My preference in this scenario would be a Pinot from New Zealand or some other cold climate region. Colder climate gives Pinot more body and earthy, spicy characters which matches well with steak and other meats. If everyone is having poultry like duck or chicken, go with a Pinot Noir from a warmer climate — more fruit will go very well with the meat. If the main choice is red meat, choose a medium to full-body red, like a Cabernet Sauvignon, Durif, or Shiraz. The basic rule here is: Light food — light wine, heavy food — heavy wine.
- White wine for fish: as #1 points out, you need acidity for fat. Don’t choose an oaky Chardonnay as a match for your fish unless the sommelier suggests that. A light Riesling, Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc, or unoaked Chardonnay will be a much easier match.
- Sweets need sweet wine: Always match the level of sweetness of the dish with the sweetness of the wine. If you are eating a light dessert, go with a light and acidic dessert wine, like a Botrytis Riesling for instance. If you are having the sticky date pudding, go for a fortified wine or a port. Cheeses usually go well with heavy ports.
Now — you’ve got an overview of how to match wine with food and look like you know exactly what you are doing. Peruse the wine list, talk to your group about preferences, make a short list in your head and talk to the sommelier. Easy!
A last short note if you are still reading about restaurants that only have one sort of wine — usually called the “house wine”. My advice is to drink beer or water as the people selling the stuff obviously don’t care enough about wine. Anybody worth their salt who has to put together a wine list will run out of space to print it on long before they run out of options to print.
And for the final show of class, know what style of digestif you like. If you don’t particulary care for Cognac, try an Armagnac for instance. It’ll finish off a good meal in a very satisfying way.
