What have you actually done?

Life can be hard. Accountability is harder.

Working at a job in the hopes of one day being able to do what you want can be a complicated endeavor. Transporting yourself to a place you don’t want to be, in order to deal with people you don’t want to be around for hours on end and too little money is absolutely exhausting. Add physical or mental illness to the mix and it’s a constant uphill battle that never ends.

But what do you do on the good days?

This question seems unsmpathetic at best and mildly ableist at it’s worst, but it’s something that has been on my mind lately. Sometimes it’s prudent to take a long hard look in the mirror and be honest about what steps you’ve taken. A plan is only effective if it’s grounded, whether it’s for the next five minutes or for the next five years.

While I’ve filled in some gaps after beginning to get treatment for Bipolar disorder, the difficultywhen trying to plan for my future often comes in the small of moments of relief after a particularly strong depressive episode. I sometimes only have enough energy to hang out with my friends in person or edit 26 audio files to see if I can salvage them.

Choosing one over the other is not necessarily a bad thing, but it has contributed and choices like this will contribute to the level of work I have to do. Taking inventory of what I have to do, I remember a great deal of planning and very little action. The plan needed to be perfect, but because of that it never got done.

As I write and edit (and post then edit and post then edit again) this post, Chanelle Henry has written a similar article a few days ago that speaks on getting out of your own way. It’s amazing that the people who have the most trouble with this sort of thing are the sort of folks that are constantly looking for ways to do things better or most effectively.

So take the first step, track progress on your chosen app (I use Notes on my iPhone) and I’ll see you at the finish line.

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