Closet Transphobe
Vishal Muralidharan

Hi Vishal,

It is okay. The fact that you acknowledge that you shouldn’t be transphobic, counts and matters a lot.

You might not be comfortable, and discomfort in face of something you don’t understand is a very human trait. But I feel 100% sure that you will not make fun of a trans person for being who they are, and definitely never commit a hate crime.

On top of that — the fear that you have is based on an experience, that could have scarred any kid for a long, long time.

If it were an intimidating set of women or men or elves or hobbits, who snatched the money from the hands of an 8 year old kid, started touching the kid without consent, and laughed when they feel that the kid is scared, it is a very natural reaction for the kid to feel traumatized by that, and associate the trauma with the set of people who did that.

I agree that the situations and society’s behavior that forces trans people to live a life that they do, are wrong and must change. But that doesn’t negate that fact that what happened with you as a kid was unfortunate, wrong, and would have scarred anyone, including me(I identify as trans).

So, once again, thank you for sharing your story. Just remember that everyone is a human, and you’ll be fine. I can let you in on personal confession that a I feel so agitated by the nonacceptance from society, that sometimes I get a kick out of making people uncomfortable by blatant expression of what I am — when I can do so, without the fear of being mauled by a group of haters.

In the subconscious, it is perhaps a revenge I am taking for the unnecessary feeling of inferiority I had felt at some point in time. But I admit that it is a quirk of human behavior that I am not exactly proud of. Unfortunately the society is not such that a trans person can just go about their business — so they live between the extremes of being unaccepted by society, and hence being fabulous (which is cool) and loud(which won’t be needed in an ideal society) about their expression : which can overwhelm people.

Perhaps that’s what builds up inside them, this rage which pushes them to a level that they don’t even feel bad about a scared kid, as in their head, the kid is another product of the trans hating culture. If they talked to you appropriately, you might not have necessarily felt scared — methinks.

All the best!

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