Why The Idea Of Forming A New Habit In 21 Days Hurts You
This post originally appeared on 5 Years 2 Mastery
The main reason is it creates false expectations. It creates the delusion that if you work at something consistently for 21 days in an effort to create a positive habit, that by day 21 it should be so much a part of you that you don’t even have to think about it anymore. People often confuse a daily routine (something that has become normal for you to do daily), with habit (something that you do even when you’re unaware you’re doing it). What this does is when you get to day 21 and realize you’re still struggling to perform this routine effortless, you become discourage, disappointed, start to believe it’s you, and then you quit (which is one reason why most people after week 2 or 3 give up).
Now picture this endless cycle of you picking up a new habit to form, working on it for 21 days, it doesn’t create or cement the habit, then you quit to try something else, only to end up with the same disappointing results. After a while you begin to think it’s pointless to even try anything new because you always fail at it, then you label yourself a ‘failure’. One can only imagine what that then does to your self-image and self-esteem. This idea leaves you believing that something is wrong with you, and keeps you from truly creating the change you desire to see in yourself and your life.
It’s hard enough you have to fight the negative voices, both internally and externally, telling you that you aren’t good enough and you can’t do it. Now you have to deal with misinformation causing you to feel less worthy, when in truth you are a person of power and incredible potential.
The TRUTH About Positive Habit Formation
In reality it doesn’t take days to form a habit, but actually months! Every habit you have, good or bad, has been formed over months and even years of consistent repetition of a particular routine or action. Then it becomes so much a part of you that you don’t even think about it anymore.
Well how do you know when the habit is formed?
You can tell when a habit has been truly formed when ‘Automaticity’ occurs. This means that the routine/action/behaviour gets to a level where it requires little mental focus or intentionality in performing. It becomes so effortless and so much a part of your daily routine that you aren’t aware that you’re doing it anymore…at least not consciously.
My goal is to help you train your brain and develop that same conditioning where you do it beyond the initial excitement, and remain consistent towards achieving your goals.
Not only have I tested this for myself in my own life, but there is actual scientific research to back this up.
In 2009 the European Journal of Social Psychology published a scientific research done where they had 96 volunteers (30 men and 66 women, between the ages 21–45), select 3 types of behaviours: eating, drinking, and exercising. 27 chose an eating behaviour, 31 chose a drinking behaviour (mostly water), 34 an exercise behaviour, and 4 a miscellaneous behaviour such as meditation. The objective was to investigate the process of habit formation in everyday life over an 84 day period (approximately 3 months). These activities had to be something that 1). They did not already do, 2). Could be performed in response to a daily triggering event, and 3). The Triggering event had to only happen once per day.
Learn more about Triggers and also how you can stay consistent and develop better habits by watching the video on the S.T.A.R.S. TechniqueTM.
The results of the study were as followed:
- 14 dropped out of the study by day 60, leaving 82 participants
- Of the 82 remaining only 39 (48%) developed some level of Automaticity or slight habit formation (which means after 84 days more than half had still not developed any level of habit formation)
- It took a median of 66 days before majority of the group reached Automaticity, meaning that some people achieved it before then, some after, but majority did so by day 66
- The study shows it took some as long as 254 days (or almost 9 months) to reach Automaticity
This means if you still have to be thinking about doing it, reminding yourself to do it, pushing yourself to do it, then it isn’t a habit yet.
Conclusion
So to wrap up remember it takes months to form a habit, not 21 days. The sooner you can get and understand this concept the easier it will be for you to stick with your activity towards your goals. This is because you now have the right expectation of what it will take to form your new, desirable habit.
Don’t focus on how long it’s taking. Instead focus on the amazing person you are becoming in the process.
