Five Fears of Negotiation (And Why You Need to Overcome Them)

Featured Columnist: Cindy Robinzon Wiesel

A recent informal survey conducted of working women asked, “What are some of your fears around negotiation?”

The responses were universal.

Nearly all women were afraid of asking.

The nuances of the negotiation process were not even addressed. Most of the women were too hesitant to ask, never mind negotiate for a pay raise, a change in responsibilities, greater benefits packages, etc. In their book, Women Don’t Ask, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever share stories and studies that enlighten readers on how widespread this fear of asking is among women.

So, what gives? Why don’t women ask? What are some of the fears that women harbor around negotiating with bosses, coworkers, or even friends, that get in the way?

1. Fear of refusal — Most women do not ask for more salary or benefits because they fear they will be refused. In addition, they fear they will lose the job already offered. Women are more eager to accept the offer on the table because they do not want to lose the opportunity.
2. Fear of low self-value — Many women do not recognize their own value. They often underestimate the extent to which the company will benefit from their contributions. Without recognizing your place within a company and your value as an employee, it is difficult to ask for more than being offered.
3. Fear of little room for negotiation — Many women feel that there is no room for negotiation, when, in reality, there is plenty of room. This typically stems from being uninformed before entering the negotiation. Someone who doesn’t know that the offer extended to her is below the market average will not know that there is plenty to negotiate.
4. Fear of exceeding expectations in negotiation — This one is a bit counterintuitive. Prospective employees have expectations about their salaries and benefits packages that can be limiting. The offer given may exceed what was anticipated. Why risk asking for more if you’ve been offered more than you assumed you would?
5. Fear of negotiating badly — This is the fear that encompasses all the others. Many women assume that their negotiation skills are not up to par, so why even try? However, without ever asking, the ability to negotiate around their requests never even arises. There is no negotiating if you never ask.

The ability to ask for more is a skill that affects more than just salary negotiation. All areas of work require effective negotiation in order to achieve success. By not asking for more, women are demonstrating a hesitancy that many corporations and employers find dissatisfactory. After all, an employer reasons, if she will not ask on her own behalf, how do I know she’ll ask when conducting negotiations internally or on behalf of the business?

Women need to be armed with knowledge about their industry, company, expected responsibilities, and potential earning power. In negotiations, as in all areas, knowledge is power. Being well informed regarding the issues at hand, such as average salary for the desired position, reduces the possibility of surprises and bolsters confidence before a negotiation.

Websites like Payscale are available to provide this sort of information. Payscale offers data on salary by job type and location that help a prospective employee make informed decisions.

The greatest fear women need to have is that they may be leaving money on the table. If you never ask for more, you will never get more. There is no harm in asking, and a lot of harm in not asking. With training, experience, and a little bravery, negotiations will become easier. Move beyond the initial fear of asking. Then the true negotiating can begin.

The WIN Summit is presented annually by The Negotiation Institute. TNI has been providing training solutions to companies across the globe for over 50 years. Under the initiative of incoming TNI Chairman, Jack Simony, WIN Summit was launched in 2015 to empower and educate women through the Art of Negotiation. For more information on the WIN Summit, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram. Make sure to visit our site and register for the 2018 WIN Summit on May 2nd, 2018 in NYC.