The Importance Of A Security Blanket Or Plushie

Does your toddler carry around a favourite teddy bear or blankie everywhere he or she goes?

Do you wonder if it’s normal and ok that he or she does this?

And, how important is it that you allow him or her to continue to drag this object around with them?

When you were a kid, did you have a favourite teddy bear or blankie? Did your siblings…. did your best friend? If you had one, did it go with you for sleepovers…. or would it even travel with you to the grocery store, dance class or soccer meets?

I’ll let you know that I had a favourite blankie when I was a kid…and it was crucial that I have it with me when I went to sleep, either at home or away. In fact, it was so important for me at night that I just assumed my son would have one too, I even made him a blankie for this very purpose….but he never used it and so it sits in a drawer in his room.

Some of my friends as a kid had something similar, but some didn’t. And, now with my young son, I see that some kids have this type of comforting object, and others don’t.

If you’re curious why some kids do and some kids don’t, or why you did or didn’t, this is today’s topic: The importance of a security blanket or plushie.

We’ve all seen some kids who absolutely want and need to carry a favourite blankie or animal with them? What is it and why does this happen?

I’ll start with a psychoanalytically based response. The reason that a child with carry a toy, a blanket, or some other object around, is it represents her mother. And carrying the object around she’s always has her mother with her, and she also has some control over her mother. In that she can hug the object, speak to it, murmur to it, or even hit it. At the same time - again according to psychoanalytic theory — the object serves as a tool for practicing interaction with the external world. Using the same strategies of hugging it, biting it, playing with it, or even hitting it. That is the theoretical explanation.

Leaving theory aside it is clear there for many children having a transitional object gives comfort to them. Not only does it procure comfort when they are upset or in a new situation, for instance in an elevator, or having a new experience like a dog barking at them, or meeting new people — but the object seems to give them the courage to face life. For example, see a new person: “Uh-oh, get object”. Let person approach - what a superpower. A corner of a blanket that gives you the power to face life.

And so what is it about the object, what do they have in common? Usually it is touch. The feel of the object gives comfort and courage, just as being held and rocked. It is feeling, it is touch. Touch has a very powerful influence on very young babies.

Is it usual? Yes it’s very frequent. It’s a natural phenomenon for a child to have a transitional object. It is a normal happening. Some do, some don’t. According to who they are, children who have different needs.

But for many many children it is indeed very important, and because of all that it provides her with, to take it away from her can cause a child to become very upset. It is something to avoid doing if you can. To deliberately take it away from her can be really destructive to her healthy development. It’s like taking away her life jacket or her parachute. If you go away and you forgot it at home go back and get it! As I said before all children are different, some need the object, some don’t. In fact about 60% of North American children have a transitional object. Only about 2% of children have a transitional object in cultures where the child is almost to constantly with the mother, which gives up support to psychoanalytic theory.

How does a transitional object help a child out?

It helps a child out because it gives them confidence confidence and comfort. They hold the blankets, they touch the blanket, and this seems to translate into courage.

And, how does a child select their object? Why do some kids have one and others don’t?

For different reasons. I would guess, and this is a guess, it is how it feels to their fingers and how it feels when they hug is or where they rub it across their faces. I think it has a great deal to do with the feeling that gets through from the object to the child.

So, should parents of a child who needs one of these objects feel bad or guilty in some way that their child needs one? Is it at all a reflection on the parents?

No definitely not. Parents should not feel that they are not sufficient, that they are not doing enough, that they are not giving enough. It is a need that stems from the child. Many needs stems from the child that have nothing to do with parenting. The needs stem from the genes the child has inherited, not from their parents parenting skills.

You said earlier if it’s forgotten and you’re in the car you should go back and get it. To what extent should parents help their child keep this object close? Sometimes we’re so busy, we pack things, we end up at the store, we don’t have it but the child wants it.

Well you can’t fly back from Europe if you’ve left. But if it is the least bit feasible, if it’s not going to make you miss your flight or something equally serious, yes turn around and go back and get the object. It is such a source of comfort to your child. To use my same analogy: it’s her parachute it is it’s her life-saving jacket. If she needs it, she really needs it. Some children more, some children less. If for one child you’ve forgotten it and he has to do without it, it won’t leave a lasting mark. Another child unfortunately could develop a bit of anxiety that will take time to get over if the object has been left behind. So WHO your child is, is very important. So pack the transitional objects first.

There are times where, let say a swimming lesson. You can’t very well jump into the pool with your little stuffed animal, so what do you do in those circumstances?

Depending again on the age of your child, your child is old enough to understand a lot of things. Let’s say she’s three. You can say: Look we can’t put blankie in the pool because blankie would get all wet and ruined, but here, mama will sit beside the pool and hold blankie for you the whole time you’re there, and of course you can always come over and touch blankie, and then swim away, and then come touch blankie. There are ways to handle things.

Parents should really be extremely empathetic and handle the need for the special object as equally as their child. That they really match their child’s emotions on this.

Yes because they will make their child stronger.

So are there any last points about this topic?

Only to say that it's such an easy way to keep your child comfortable, happy, and building strength.

So, here’s the take home message today — if your child adores and needs to carry around a blankie or stuffed animal, then let him, help him or her. Know that it’s so very helpful to your child, to their confidence and to their well-being to be able to bring it around with them.

Do your best to empathize with their need to have it with them.

I know that it can get frustrating at times, it’s one more thing to remember and one more thing that can lead to a potential meltdown. And it’s also difficult sometimes, to look around and see other children coping better, playing better, sharing better, doing better than yours. But, I hope that learning about the reason why some kids have a transitional object and how it helps them will also help you to be more comfortable with his or her needing a blankie or stuffed animal.

This article was adapted from Episode 4 of The WISE Parenting Podcast. You can find the full list of podcast episodes here. You can also listen on Google Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or any other podcast platform.