“All Good Things Must Come To An End” A phrase-y-ology issue.
Wait a second… Bad things come to an end too!!
Did you know… the original version of this ‘proverb’ dates back to 1374 from Geoffrey Chaucer? It originally said “Everything has an end” or “everything comes to an end.” (Source: Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996).
The phrase from 1374 sounds much more balanced and realistic. How did it morph into an overly fatalistic phrase that emphasizes that only GOOD things come to an end?! I don’t have the answer to this.. but…
What we do know is that…
Good things do end
Bad things also end
Bad things feel more endless than good things
We don’t want good things to end
If we are upset when good things end, then this phrase rings true…in those scenarios. This reinforces the thought that good things end and bad things are endless. You can see how this would be problematic for someone with a predisposition to depression.
In cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), we do this exact thing with phrases or rules/beliefs that people live by. CBT helps clients really hear what they are telling themselves and assess its validity.
Here’s another fun fact. Our mental focus during positive experiences is much different than during negative experiences.
Positive: present moment focus, diminished sense of time passing, wishing it would never end
Negative: watching the time pass, feeling the distress of each second as it goes by, wishing it would end soon (leading to the perception that it is not ending soon enough)
Unfortunately, this causes us to perceive the length of distress in a bad scenario as longer than the length of joy in a good scenario.
Again, problematic.
TRY THIS: Spend time experiencing and probing positive emotions while you’re in them- processing them as deeply as possible, asking yourself what you like about this experience, noticing details, etc. During negative situations, intentionally remind yourself that this also will pass.
WAIT. Did the phrase “this too shall pass” just come to mind? Because it just came to mine. This is a phrase that does not require me to make an issue of. Say it with me, “This too shall pass.”
Are you curious how cognitive behavioral therapy could benefit you? Check this out:
