Luminus Labs 696™

Micah Boswell
Jul 23, 2017 · 6 min read

Harnessing Nature to bring about profitable bursts of the apocalypse:

CRYOGEN REPAIR | DRIVE-IN CLONING | NEAR DEATH TOURS | CUSTOMIZED ATTRITION PRODUCTS

JUVENTUD 999™

THE BIRTH OF A NEW TWILIGHT: OMEGA CORNING CORPORATION
Omega Corning™ is the marriage between Corning Corporation and the Omega Bapti-Costal Council of Elders™. It is our flagship offering in the customized attrition product market.

With Corning’s superior bio-chem experience and BCE’s enlightened ethical and biblical revisionism, an extremely profitable and beneficial entity called Luminus Labs™ has germinated throughout the multi-corporate globe. Profitable because Corning is long known for its ability to transmute the organic with the technical, and because BCE carries with it the philosophy and jurisprudence to find new ethical roads for commercial dispensation of high attrition virii. Beneficial because Corning cares about the future of humanity, and because BCE can give us new insight into human expendability by re-interpreting sacred writings.

MORE ABOUT OMEGA CORNING™
Omega Corning™ is dedicated to the production of high-quality labs such as Luminus. Through Luminus, OC has been able to create a number of effective and controllable organisms that indirectly benefit all of mankind by reducing the overall chances of population explosions. Caring enough to hand-tailor virii for single attrition projects, or imaginative enough to create organisms that can smash through the most complex of the nano-defensive grids circling your competitor’s living cities, OC can reach to you wtth spiritual justification in one hand and virii in the other.

MEDITATION
Take a moment to meditate on the future of you and your beloved manufacturers. Knowing that commerce wtthout attrition can lead to the eventual extinction of your product line, isn’t it time you considered the fool-proof option of a fully controlled viral epidemic? Think of the instantaneous market share boost you would receive after your competitor’s labor population was attrited with a virus tailored just for them.

BRUTUS NANOTRACKER®

VlRAL SYNOPSIS
Single Helixes attached to Brutus Nanotrackers® are capable of microguiding mutations through active grid biosensors. The Nanotracker 969 can anticipate viral protein neutralizers and destroy both outer and inner perimeters wrthin 16 hours. The Hyundai™ Nanosensor ‘Midwife-Excalibur’ is attached to provide maximum mutatis mobility, ensuring that the attrttive capabilities of Cygnus are one step ahead of most designer neutralizers and tailor made immuno-enhancers.

IN LAYPERSON’S TERMS
Once Cygnus reaches its host, it attacks protein cells located in the prostate gland ( chromosome specific design by Or. Christian Felt). The protein cells are then directed to produce and excrete ammonia-like nano-tubes that trick the host’s immune system into treating them as red-blood cells. Within two hours of the incubated cygnus colony, the host’s prostate gland is diligently creating it’s own strain of ‘Dante’s Death Potion’. The host is for all practical sakes and purposes, melting from within.

IN CONCLUSION
Our most significant creation to date, Cygnus was used at the Helsinki conflict involving Hashimoto Toys™ in reaction to Helsinki Petro-mutual’s disregard for Tariff Tags positioned along HT’s Organic Supernode. The operation, now known as the Helsinki Defeat, proved the effectiveness of Cygnus as well as the genius of the Brutus Nanotracker and its ability to circumvent currently popular strands of reactive neutralizing virii.

OPEN SOURCE FREECELL

FREECELLS ARE CRUCIAL
Freecells are crucial to the future development of armageddon strains, simply because laboratory virii do not have the survival or attrition capacity that a natural virus does. Nature has been incorporated and enhanced, but the laboratory of the natural world carries with it perfect viral tests — a wide variety of hosts and an infinite variety of environments to nurture brilliantly atttritive mutations.

A BRIEF HISTORY
The evidence exists with Juventud 999. What was previously known as the Amazon Forest was a perfect incubator for Juventud. No strain of its type had reached human contact until 2026, when the last vestiges of pristine forests were removed — no immune system had had the chance to learn how to battle the virus. Human hosts came to Juventud in the form of Reformed Neo-Mormonistic Pepsi-ites looking for refuge from anti-carbonation laws. As they decimated the last of the pristine forests to build communes and factories, Juventud inhabited its first human host. The outbreak eventually reached Rio De Janeiro, ironically during Carnaval season, a time where human population density in Rio is the Greatest. Within one week, Rio De Janeiro had no human population left. The area to this day is completely quarantined, and areal photographs show that parts of the Amazon Forest are beginning to grow back. Juventud 999, it seems, reclaimed the Amazon basin in the name of Nature.

IN CONCLUSION
Juventud 999 exists in the laboratory in a mutated form. The mutation is controlled by a Mattel Muta-Tracker©that is 99% effective in eliminating the virus if mutation verges 4% away from the original strain. It is a freecell in the hopes that individual labs will be effective in creating the ultimate Juventud counter-protein. The original strain is as of yet completely unstoppable. Unable to control the spread o f this Virus. The Fullbright Cell Security Council has banned helical branching and copyrighting.

GENDER SPECIFIC MICRO-ATTRlTERS
Helix Drills created organically by Doctor (Reverend) Dubey have been biomechanically bred into the cardioshred virus. This highly effective ‘hunter-seeker’ cell can be directed to colonize in one specific host, given the availability of said host’s DNA sample. Cardioshred grows at exponential rates, can avoid 95% of protein based viral-neutralizers, and can cause irreversible damage within 2 hours of host colonization. Equipped with The Hegel Protein Sequencer, this virus can counteract a number of bio-grids by creating an infinite number of ‘decoy’ strains that can in and of themselves be disastrously effective.

IN LAYPERSON’S TERMS …
The cardioshred effect is simple: This Beta virus is custom-designed to thrive on certain cellular structures that exist in the human Aeorta. After initial colonization, the virus begins to produce offspring with Nanobiotic drills, designed to shred any non Aeortic tissue in its path. While viral Neutralizers have proven effective in stopping this type of viral attrition, Cardioshred emits decoys and effectively delays the neutralizers long enough to create the desired effect.

CARDIOSHRED

IN CONCLUSION
This beta was almost completely banned after the Orlando Crisis, in which Hasbro Waste Management failed to activate Cardioshred’s own auto-destruct helix and consequentially allowed the virus to decimate 99% of the Orlando-Cooperative’s human population. It remains in Beta cycles due to its super-exponential growth qualities.

DISCLAIMER: What precedes is parody directed at the disregard for ethics in today’s entrepreneurial environment. If businesses are allowed to follow profit regardless of ethics, who is to stop an entrepeneur from profiting off of the chassis we call a body — or profiting from its demise?

We continue to blur the line between the profitable and ethical in the name of commerce, but if communities of ethical consumers don’t rise up to demand a halt to the blurring of ethics in commerce, then who will?

The business community? Too busy satisfying shareholders to consider ethical ramifications. The government? Business interests have a strong hold on your local representative.

Consumers can guide the market through purchasing and stock-holding. Make your voice heard now, or sit back and watch conscience die away due to it’s impediment to future commerce.

Oh, and yes — my grasp on biology and virology is infantile at best.

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