Novelty value

Around lunchtime on Monday, I texted a friend whose opinion I respect when it comes to Cleveland Browns dysfunction. We don’t always agree, nor should we. Diversity of thought is ideal when discussing such matters. Groupthink can be a corrosive influence in many high-minded spheres, and that includes bitching about the Browns. If we all echo all the same points, offering nothing in the way of innovation, we are no better than the team we seek to censure.
So I asked my friend, after the Browns fell to 2–6 at the hands of a deeply beatable Denver Broncos team starting a former Texas Bowl MVP at quarterback: Did you have “player issuing death threats online” on your Browns bingo board? His response was immediate, relatable and, to me, oddly heartening: THIS is the Browns I know and love.
It is, isn’t it? The fallout from Sunday’s 24–19 defeat is bad for a million reasons, but at least it’s familiar. A ripe opportunity becoming a disastrous loss. The defense merely gesturing at an opponent making his way to the end zone. The quarterback overthrowing this, underthrowing that, and missing the open guy at a crucial time. The head coach’s chair ticking up in temperature. This is the good stuff.
It is not, however, Same Old Browns. I’ve seen and heard such sentiments, and I reject them out of hand. The beauty of what happened on the field and in the locker room Sunday is the novelty. As bad as they’ve been for as long as they’ve been, the Browns still find ways to surprise.
I won’t spend too much time discussing Jermaine Whitehead’s social media strategy. The whole thing is deeply sad, and also I don’t want to get clapped myself. I will say that it brought to mind Major League’s Lou Brown — “Good! I like that kind of spirit in a player!” — and also that it achieved something not easily achieved: It broke new ground in the Cleveland Browns’ ongoing uncontrolled experiments mixing the miserable and original. (Traditionally, postgame death threats have gone the other way.) (We all need help.)
If nothing else, this is new! So is not one, but two wide receivers having to change their cleats midgame. In a world where so much is commonplace, from your morning commute to the Browns being under .500 at Thanksgiving, anything fresh is to be celebrated. Our perception of time accelerates as we age. The Browns inventing new ways to be incompetent helps slow our inexorable procession to the other side.
Some time ago, my advice for watching the Browns was to embrace the absurdity. That stance has not changed — however, I lost sight of that prime directive amid 2018’s feel-goodery, which now seems so distant. Last year’s seven victories and the offseason’s acquisitions conned me into believing. Current Me is furious with Past Me for his naivete. Shame on past Future Me for not seeing through it.
I drank the Kool-Aid of which I’ve long been so skeptical. From afar it’s easy to spot the phony offseason champs, whether they’re the 2017 Buccaneers, the 2011 “Dream Team” Eagles or, like, any iteration of a Dan Snyder outfit. So often the team that makes the big splash has a big crash. When the Browns’ offseason hype train got to chuggin’, I knew in my head that it was wise to be skeptical. I fell for it anyway.
Until the team proves — proves ; and I don’t even know what that would look like, so don’t ask— that it is a professional outfit, we would be well served to return to standard protocol. Aspire for 8–8, hope for a competitive 6–10, pan for gems in case of 4–12 or worse.
It sucks to say, but what else have we got at the moment? I thought, and remain hopeful, that Baker was the real deal. I thought Freddie’s aw-shucks gumption would manifest in a stern but fair coaching staff. I thought the reunited Odell and Jarvis, this time with not–Zach Mettenberger at the helm, would be even better than the sum of their parts. I thought the pass rush would be fierce. I thought the secondary would be capable.
I thought a whole bunch of things, precious few of which have come to fruition. What I didn’t think is that the Browns would again be devoid of leadership, both between the hashes and on the sideline. I thought for once they had enough talent to overcome whatever lay before them. I thought they would do things that I had never seen the Cleveland Browns do. To their credit, they have. Just not the way I hoped.
