Nothing brings closure to a failed relationship like “I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.”

What we had was short. But passionate.

You grew on me like a cyst.

We ate pizza and watched cartoons.

Then you went back to the other guy, the one with John Mayer hair.

Heard nothing from you for years.

Until last Monday, when I was going through my emails.

Wonderful, another one from LinkedIn.

There you were. Associate Manager at KMart.

Now I can endorse you for heartbreaking.

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