Getting What You’re Worth

Published in

AnitaB.org x Wogrammer

7 min readApr 6, 2012

Salary negotiation is consistently a hot topic. This article in the New York Times has some good reminders for women specifically about negotiating for a fair salary, and describes some of the pitfalls women fall into. One of my go-to financial blogs Get Rich Slowly has numerous posts about the importance of salary negotiation. One important point these writers make is that it is always a good idea to negotiate. Regardless of what the employer offers, ask for more, and be willing to work for what you think you’re worth. The authors of Women Don’t Ask, published in 2003, cite numerous statistics about women’s incomes lagging behind men’s, and the authors state here that women don’t like to negotiate, and will actually pay more for things than men to avoid negotiating. The Huffington Post describes a scenario similar to one I experienced personally: being so excited about a job offer that you instantly say yes without thinking about your opportunities for salary negotiation. I was always so grateful to be taken seriously, given my lack of technical background and my BA in Psychology, that I have almost certainly undersold myself many times. Luckily, I have had several (male) managers suggest I ask for more money. Who knows how much I might have received if I’d asked for 10% or even 25% more than I did.

One of the beautiful things about the Systers community is the wealth of knowledge and experience that we share, so that what might be a daunting experience can become less intimidating with the help of someone who is familiar with the process. A Syster sent the message below asking for advice about negotiating for a fair salary. Here is the text of her post, followed by her summary (in her words) of the overall themes of the responses she received as well as some of the actual responses. Despite over 20 years experience in the job market, I found the responses informative and interesting. Hopefully you will too.

Written by Amy (this name and the other single names are pseudonyms, to protect the privacy of these personal stories) based on conversations with her Systers.

Regarding job offers and negotiations: I have gotten myself into a predicament. I have never negotiated much of anything and find it intimidating. I’m about 8 months into my first job out of college. We were recently informed that the office is closing. I have been interviewing since then and have a few offers on the table. I’ve been in Philadelphia for almost a decade. My friends and family are here; I’m part of a great community, and I’m in a serious relationship. There are a lot of good opportunities for me here. I’m not inclined to move unless something amazing comes along. But I think it has! Bay area company X has offered me a job. I have never even been to California and have no concept of reasonable compensation, but I did extensive research and landed on a general cost of living increase of 30–40%. I have a few offers in Philadelphia; I didn’t negotiate them but they are very close in terms of salaries and benefits. I figured this is my market value. So when it came time to negotiate, I was shooting for [best local offer]+30% as a target salary. The job posting said they had no money for relocation, so I wasn’t expecting anything above standard benefits.

Now came the negotiations (on the phone): Their initial offer was [best local offer]+11%, standard benefits, etc with a modest relocation package. I balked and explained what I was expecting, and my research. I was repeatedly told that my research was inaccurate, but I awkwardly managed not to accept and HR said they’d see what they could do.

The next day they countered with [best local offer]+17%, citing the potential for future raises and “But we have a really nice bonus rate!” when I objected and asked for my target salary. I was repeatedly told that my target salary (and even [best local offer]+20%) was “unrealistic” and they asked if I “was really going to hold out for the highest salary available”. So far, the HR person had been very nice/helpful and I was feeling guilty/greedy from the unexpected relocation money. I was really excited about this opportunity and didn’t want to risk it — I had read many horror stories of candidates trying to negotiate with companies only for them to rescind offers. So I accepted — a significant paycut. I did not negotiate any other benefits or relocation. But I tried to ignore the uneasiness and get excited.

It gets more complicated: I was also interviewing with Bay area company Y, whose process is much slower. When I got X’s offer, I emailed Y asking for a status update. I received no response and assumed they had lost interest. Fast forward to today, a month later: out of nowhere company Y makes me an offer, and it’s basically my target salary plus perks. But I’m not as excited about the job — and I’ve already accepted X’s offer.

Once I started really breaking down my new budget, I realize that I would be netting significantly less income after the increase in expenses. College is EXPENSIVE these days — and I went to a private school! — so while money isn’t everything, it would be foolish of me to take such a large pay cut considering my student loans. I do feel that I’d be happier at company X and know it’s a great opportunity, but I’m second-guessing the whole thing because I feel like I have sold myself short. I’m worried I’ll start at company X and have it hanging over my head, impacting my performance and self esteem.

I know this is not the worst situation to be in — I feel like I should just be grateful and “suck it up” with company X. On the other hand, I worked my ARSE off to get where I am today; I am a highly qualified candidate and believe I deserve to feel like I am paid fairly.

Specifically, I’d like to know:

1) How do I know my “market value”?
2) What do I do next?
a) Do I inform company X of company Y’s offer and ask for more? This seems like a crappy thing to do, but would alleviate my anxiety. I’m worried about them revoking their offer, as they’re already waiting a while for me to move.
b) Should I just keep my mouth shut, suck it up for now, and try to get a raise come review time?
c) Or should I take the money and run? i.e., rescind my acceptance at X to work for Y

3) What should I do differently, next time?

I’d really appreciate any advice you can give me.

**********************************
Amy received numerous (over 100) responses, and here she outlines the major themes of the responses.

The supportive ones:

A resounding response that 30% was definitely not too low of a cost of living adjustment, 40% is more realistic given the differences between Philadelphia and the San Francisco Bay Area.
Educate yourself / knowledge is power. Read the books ‘Ask For It’ and ‘Women Don’t Ask’. Do your cost of living research and don’t take an employer’s no for an answer about it.
Play perspective employers off one another. It’s just business for them, and in this you need to think about what’s best for you.
Negotiation is a part of life, and if you don’t bother, you are selling yourself short.
Your starting/early career salaries will impact the rest of your career (and the company’s opinion of you). Companies often value you as much as they pay you — so you should negotiate. And along with this — Consider that if a potential employerwon’t up the salary, this could be indicative of how well they are going to treat you.
Contact the hiring manager, not HR, when you go to renegotiate. The hiring manager is the one who is more invested in getting you on the team.
Get everything in writing. Raises, bonuses and other perks mentioned during the hiring phase often don’t materialize, or could even be false promises.
If the pay is so bad you’ll resent it, renegotiate it. Otherwise, learn from your mistakes and go with the job that makes you happy. You will have this job for years. Follow your intuition.
Don’t be ashamed or feel guilty to ask for what you’re worth (within reasonable industry averages and limits). If you’ve got this many offers on the table, you areworth it.
Keep in mind the type of company and compensation differences (startup vs a giant like Google, etc.) and weight them according to what you value most. Ultimately, it’s about honoring your own values and respecting the people you work for/with and feeling respected.
Large companies are the ones most likely to low-ball you. But it also depends on the budget for that hiring manager’s project.

The not-so-supportive ones:

I should be ashamed of asking for more, or even considering being this greedy.
I should be grateful for what I’ve got and don’t ask for more. (Also, from a few: but turn it down if I’m not happy and avoid the conflict altogether.)
I should apologize to the Systers for asking about this in the first place.
Renegotiating in this situation will look flaky or bring up red flags or possibly even burn bridges. Don’t be greedy.

Getting What You’re Worth

Written by Wogrammer