All relationships have an expiration date
For me, all relationships have an expiration date.
I dated my husband for 5 years before we moved together.
After one year living together, we decided to get marriage.
And, after 2 years married, we decided to have a kid.
Even before we had our daughter our relationship was not the best. I loved to travel, he had fear of flying. I loved to go clubbing, he liked to stay home. We made some compromises and we were living happy besides all that.
Our daughter was born and.. all eyes were on her. Our lives became her life, doing everything around her and her needs.
We forgot about us.
In the beginning it was a natural thing to do.. we made some compromises and we were living happy besides all that.
After the 4 months at home, i returned to work. It wasn’t so difficult because the office where i was working was 1.2km from home and my mom’s house was 100m from the office.
My husband worked 30min far by metro. So, i was taking care of picking my girl, go home make dinner, give her bath, etc…
One day he had a proposal to go make a specialisation to the university in order to have more opportunities at work. “We” decided he should go.
It was hard because he was out friday night and the whole saturday.. and when there was extra work he needed to study and not help at home. Anyway, we made some compromises and we were living happy besides all that.
When my girl was 3, i decided to change job. I wasn’t happy there, not learning anything.. no great “future”. My new job was near his so we decided to switch to car and go together.
After 2 days i had to go 2 weeks to Berlin. Although i missed my girl, being 2 weeks alone, far in a city i fell in love, was really good. I actually felt guilty about this… but it was damn good!
After coming back i realised i was in a fast pace company and that i would only succeed if i was able to get along with it. The thing is i was loving it! Everyone was super young, we had dinners, go out, company events, fun.
After 1 year there i was promoted to run a department on my own. Responsibility was high but i was addicted to it. I loved my teams and i think they loved me back, i was a real leader.
Meanwhile my husband changed job as well, to a place near our house. At this point the roles changed. He was picking up our girl and making dinner almost everyday.
Time passed.. my husband was not very happy on the job anymore. He decided to invest time taking care of his health and started making sports.. also with the goal of losing weight.
Things started to get very wrong between us both…
We didn’t travel, we didn’t go out together, we didn’t have sex, we didn’t kiss and we didn’t talk.
I was going out with my colleagues from time to time, having fun at my job.
He was doing sports and getting pissed if i was late from work.
As you might imagine, although all the compromises we could have done and pretending we were happy… we were not!
It took me a long time to take the step. I think i was hoping he could do it for me. But he didn’t.
So, one day i was able to silent the enormous pain in the stomach and i said it…
I think we should divorce.
What can i say when i look back?
I don’t regret a single thing i did in my whole life.. they made me who i am!
But, if you want to make a relationship work:
- Do things together, make a way to find similar interests
- Don’t have kids if things are already not good
And before deciding to have a relationship with someone:
- Make sure you have in common your main interests in life
Otherwise, no matter how many effort you put in your relationship.. it will never work!