Just Remember: You Love Each Other
(The Reintegration Challenge)
I am home.
It’s a good thing.
It’s not an easy thing.
I thought and planned and prayed for home for 200 days. Maybe longer. I probably started thinking coming home during my short stints away for training before I left… for 200 days. While my deployment was one of those ‘easy’ ones with good accommodations, travel and good people to work with the timing of our separation was gut-wrenching for our family.
Unfortunately, it is a thing I am far too familiar with if you really want to know the truth.
But now I am home.
In my mind I think: I know this problem, this process — of coming home after being away. I know it because I’ve done it before. I’ve come through to the other side. So I allow myself to think it will be easy.
In my heart I know. I know this problem, this process — each time is different, but each time is difficult with unexpected twists and turns and I and my family are always somehow changed by the experience.
I was blessed to be with a friend for part of my deployment. She and I were deployed together before — eight years ago. This was her first deployment after being married and starting a family. The night before she left I told her this:
It will be hard. You are different. He is different. Your daughter has changed and has different routines. Just remember you love each other. Everyone is exhausted after the separation. But if you just remember you love each other, you will figure it out. Just remember you love each other.
My brother called last night to welcome me home. I’ve been home for 10 days. I haven’t called anyone. I think he was a little hurt. But he might have forgiven me when I told him I haven’t called my sister either. She’s probably hurt too. I love them, I’m just not ready. They grew up in the military like I did, but they haven’t ever been through this. I don’t have the energy to explain. My parents were here when I came back. They are my surrogates in this department until I’m ready.
Five times I have come home now. The problems are always different, but they are always there. I always have things I need to process after leaving and there are always changes at home that I don’t understand. This time is no different.
Now it’s time to remember my own advice:
It will be hard. You are different. He is different. Your daughter has changed and has different routines. Just remember you love each other. Everyone is exhausted after the separation. But if you just remember you love each other, you will figure it out. Just remember you love each other.
