My Grandmother’s Ring
(and my Great-Grandmother’s, and my Mom’s, and mine…)
On my right hand I wear a diamond ring. The diamonds are tiny, the setting is wide, and I am merely the caretaker. I’m borrowing it for a little while, and learning its lessons as I go.
This ring has been around the world: Mexico, Guam, Germany, Greece, France, Japan, the Philippines (among others). It has been to rock concerts. It has been to war zones. It has run marathons. It has taught children. It has raised children. It has presided over school board meetings, Red Cross Babysitting classes, and Vacation Bible School. It reminds me everyday of family, faith, love, and perseverance. It reminds me that I belong to a lineage of strong women. It reminds me to “consider the source, and rise above it,” and afterwards, that “this too shall pass.” This is my Great-grandmother’s ring. And my Grandmother’s. And my Mother’s. And Mine. And our legacy for my daughter.
My Great-Grandmother was born in June of “approximately” 1896. I say “approximately” because she was known to “fudge” her age… significantly.
Let me put it this way… the only way the family was SURE she was over 100 was that the Social Security auditors showed up around that time to verify that she was still alive (she was).
Normally that would be a pretty good indication of a birthdate, but you must remember that Social Security didn’t start until August 14, 1935. At this point my Great-Grandmother, or Blanche as she insisted she be called by everyone (my siblings and I got a pass… we could call her ‘Grandma’) was already a widow with a nine-year-old daughter. No one would put it past her to shave a few years off by the time she got around to registering.
Blanche was was fiesty lady recovering from her second hip surgery by the time I was old enough to form firm memories of her during our visits to Alabama.
I was blessed to have her in my life until I was almost 21 years old. As much as she taught me while she was alive, she’s taught me so much more after her passing. Only now that I experience what it’s like to be a grown woman, wife, and mother do I truly appreciate the force of nature that was my Grandmother Blanche.
She was the oldest of thirteen children. In an age when most women lacked access to education, she earned two college degrees. Her first was a degree in music from the Louisville Conservatory of Music. Upon her graduation, her dad gave her a diamond ring. When her first husband died in 1932, leaving her with a small child in the middle of the Depression, she sold his business, sold some family land, and went back to school at the University of North Alabama to earn a teaching degree.
Blanche got things done.
She taught my Grandmother to get things done too.
When Evelyn (Grandma Lynn) received the ring upon graduation from the University of Alabama she changed the setting. That was OK. She made the ring fit her. That’s part of the lesson: it’s okay to change. It’s okay to make decisions. It’s okay to not be like everyone else. From Grandma Lynn we get “It’s better to have a sane mother than no mother at all.” I love that. It reminds me that there is no such thing as perfection in motherhood. There is just showing up and doing the best we can. Taking care of ourselves is part of how we ensure that our best selves show up. Grandma taught home economics, was the (sometimes) silent partner in Grandpa’s Accounting business, and the first female member and first female President of the Enterprise School Board.
Lynn got things done.
She taught my Mom to get things done too.
When Mom (Jan) got the ring after graduating from Troy State University she moved to Georgia to teach school, then got married and proceeded to follow her AF officer husband to Colorado, then Germany… and kept moving for the next 22 years. Every move brought change, but she worked hard and made sure we always were grounded in family. She is an expert at fitting furniture (and curtains) into spaces as small as 1200 SF and as large as 3500 SF… with a smile on her face. She was a soft place to land after a tough day at school, but tough as nails when it came to defending her family and making sure we felt rooted and safe through our many moves. My Dad was deployed during Operation DESERT SHIELD and Operation DESERT STORM. It was a tough time. There were no rotational dates. Everyone was just gone until they came home. Through all that, I never saw her break down. In fact she started volunteering at the Family Service Center and ended up running the thing. She wasn’t just our rock, she was a cornerstone of the base community while the Wing was away. Having faced those circumstances now myself I’m sure she must have had her cries. They were probably at night, in her room, after we were asleep, but I never saw it.
Jan got things done (and still does)!
Mom gave me this ring after I graduated from the University of Portland in December 2002. I immediately moved to Japan. Within a year I was in Iraq setting up an airbase. There is a picture of me in Kuwait getting ready to board a C-130. I have a ruck on that is almost bigger than me, and I’m wearing the ring. When mom gave it to me she said, “It’s family and it’s for wearing, not keeping in a box.” I took her at her word. I rarely take it off (usually only for safety reasons). I have deployed with this ring five times now. It has run six marathons. It has earned two Master’s degrees. It has faced professional challenges and personal hardships. It has been with me as I attempt to be the wife and mother that my family deserves.
It helps me get things done.
I have a daughter. I know she will continue the legacy.
