Re-Thinking Monogamy and Our Unlimited Capacity to Love
Why does a successful, happily married woman seriously consider polyamory and seek a second relationship?
It is a provocative question. So I decided it needed careful, deep reflection.
After giving this a great deal of thought, and the following is a list of my purely personal reasons. They are not meant to be a prescription or recommendation for anyone else.
First, we are not 20 somethings.
We are mature adults, and we have raised kids, built successful businesses, and are now looking for how we create the most joy in this next phase of life.
My husband and I are educated, world-traveled, and professional.
We are financially secure, have a lovely home, and a gracious lifestyle. Some would ask, “you have everything most people work a lifetime for. Why look for more?” It is a good question. I agree that I lack for nothing. However, that does not mean I don’t WANT anything else. So why would we earnestly seek a quality man?
But when nearly 50% of modern-day marriages end in divorce, with another 28% who cheat, traditional monogamous marriage may be a failed social experiment. Would you invest your whole future in a system that has a 78% failure rate? The answer for us is “no.”
Esther Perel, a leading relationship expert, speaker, and author of best-selling books, says this: “All men and all women have two conflicting needs which interfere with long term marital happiness.
We all have the need for safety, stability, and predictability as well as the need for change, adventure, and newness”.
So can polyamory be one solution to this dilemma? I’m not suggesting it is the way for every couple…it is not. It also is not a solution to a marriage that is already in trouble. I believe, however, if more couples recognize the truth of the conflicting needs and actively looked for an answer, polyamory is worth considering.
What Are The Benefits of Being a “Throuple”?