Be Goddamn Inspirational
Earlier tonight I was half watching an episode of season six of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and half writing in my journal when one of the contestants made me drop my pen. In the changing room, one of the contestants, Trinity K. Bonet, opened up to the other ladies about being HIV positive. Bianca del Rio also opened up about a friend she had had who was also HIV positive, but who had isolated himself and eventually passed away. Unlike Bianca’s friend, however, Trinity explained that her first thought was not “my life is over” but “how do we fix it?” Trinity explained that she still saw herself accomplishing many amazing things, and so she wasn’t ready to give up.
I thought about Bianca’s friend and wondered if he had given up.
I thought about myself, and how I’d considered giving up (and sometimes still do).
I thought about Trinity, and how goddamned inspirational she was. Here is this person handed such a hard card, and her first reaction was looking towards the future. And not just any future, but a bright one at that.
I started thinking, I want to be inspirational too. But inspirational people only become such by facing difficult situations, by conquering them and becoming someone better.
I think we all have this spark within us, this potential to be something greater, brighter. But tapping into it is a hard, painful, and sometimes, for some of us, a near impossible feat. It all begins with the way we think, the way we chose to see the world and the situations before us.
Sometimes, we don’t even realize how we see the world because we lie to ourselves. Me, I’ve come to realize that my “realism” is more of a “pessimism.” Somewhere down the road, I forgot about Hope. I let my illnesses beat me. I gave in to misery, and it’s got me tight. But one way or another, I’m going to drag myself out of it, because, one way or another, I plan to be goddamn inspirational too.
Here’s hoping I see you on the road.
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