When we were young, we did not have the mental ability to make sense of a largely ambiguous, diverse existence. In order to understand the world, we created generalised rules. These rules (called core beliefs) helped us navigate life. For example, we may have adopted the core belief that our caregivers are trustworthy and can generally help us meet our needs for affection, care and nourishment. This is helpful and kept us safe.
For those that displayed any kind of transgression from the norm, the core belief of “I’m defective” may have developed early in life. As children we are often unaware of how we are different, we only have this general sense of difference. And, as any one will tell you, difference is not celebrated among children. For me, growing up gay meant that I felt like I never really fit-in into the sporty or religious groups at my school. I felt like an outcast.
In order to cope with this difference, the child often assumes that something is wrong with them. Children do not have the ability to comprehend that this feeling may be the result of a deep-seated societal issue: the fear of difference. The only way we could make sense of our feelings was to assume that we were defective in some way.
This is called a core belief of defectiveness, and, if unchecked, has the ability to…
