10 Hilarious Woody Allen One-Liners: A Tribute to the Wit of a Comedy Genius
Woody Allen, as we all know, is one of the worlds most renowned filmmakers. It may surprise those of you that have enjoyed his work for decades that many people have no idea he had such an impressive career as a stand-up comedian and writer back in the day. His sharp wit and clever humour have entertained audiences for years. Today, I’m going to dive into the very funny world of Allen’s stand-up comedy by showcasing 10 of his best one-liners.
1. “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
(Source: “Without Feathers”, 1975)
2. “I don’t believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
(Source: “Getting Even”, 1971)
3. “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good.”
(Source: Stand-up routine, 1970s)
4. “I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
(Source: “Side Effects”, 1980)
5. “I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.”
(Source: “Getting Even”, 1971)
6. “I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”
(Source: Stand-up routine, 1960s)
7. “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
(Source: Interview with Stig Björkman, 1971)
8. “Marriage is the death of hope.”
(Source: “Without Feathers”, 1975)
9. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.”
(Source: “Woody Allen on Woody Allen”, 1993)
10. “The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.”
(Source: “Without Feathers”, 1975)
Woody Allen’s one-liners offer a brilliant mix of existential wit and comedic insight. Through his art (and his new movie coming out next month), he continues to entertain us, providing laughs and a good dose of wisdom along the way. These 10 one-liners showcase Allen’s ability to find humour in everything from life and death to love and regret. If you need a laugh or two, grab one of his books or just put ‘Sleeper’ (1973) on, you won’t have to wait long!
