Men caring for themselves isn’t narcissism, it’s necessary

The cover article for the issue of The Spectator for the 11th August, by Lara Prendergast, was titled “The New Narcissism”. Within, Prendergast decries the supposed new obsession of the masculine with itself: “young men are increasingly obsessed with self-discipline,” she says, “self-improvement and the self all round… being vain and virtuous at the same time.”
How so? Men are departing from “traditional masculine pursuits… in favour of more ethical ones”, she explains, “drinking less alcohol, smoking less”. They’re self-obsessed to the point of ignoring the companionship of those sat across from them, as the dating anecdote that begins her piece suggests. “They’re having less sex, perhaps because sex involves focusing on someone else,” she snarks.
Her words are accompanied by a depiction of a modern-day Narcissus, gazing into his reflection on the surface of a Huel shake. A smoother, more muscular man stares back at the toned but gaunt figure, surrounded by various protein powders, supplements and… a copy of Jordan Peterson’s bestseller, “12 Rules for Life”?
From the cover, one might think that she is attacking some new resurgence of male isolationism and supremacy, brought on by the calls of right-wing pundits like Peterson to neo-Christian conservatism and masculine chauvinism.
However, she seems appreciative of the professor, of his “offering self-help advice to young men who feel lost in the modern world” and “his message to men… to be proud of their sex”. The problem? Peterson is “diet-obsessed”, a strange complaint when the diet, proscribed by the psychologist’s daughter, helps combat “various autoimmune conditions and depression.”
Her critique of Peterson becomes even more bizarre alongside her claims that the new penchant for dieting and exercise among young men has been brought on by a #Metoo offensive against the unfairer sex, to which Peterson is fundamentally ideologically opposed.
“Men are being led to believe that their masculinity is a problem,” she declares, “it’s up to them to curb their appetites.” Women supposedly now feel comfortable commenting on the bodies of men, and men are listening; hitting the gym in order to be “stronger, leaner and a lot sexier”.
Hang on a second — I thought the problem was that men were ignoring women and others due to self-obsession? Now it’s that men are caring more than ever about how society views them?
This is where Prendergast’s tall tale begins to unravel; a tangle of various figures, from Lewis Hamilton to Harvey Weinstein, and topics and scandals.
In the midst of what should be a specific investigation of the cultural shift in masculinity, she manages to fit in a general diatribe against veganism. She gracefully dances around calling vegans “virtue-signalling”, falling back on the tried-and-tested ‘boring at parties’ shtick.
I’m not going to dispute that there might be some vegans who are over-zealous in promoting their way of life, nor will I remake the extensive arguments to be made in favour of veganism.
However, let’s say that your average vegan does show up at a party to which Prendergast is somehow also invited. I’d wager that the other party-goers will be more appreciative of the vegan’s polite and hurried explanations of why they’re not touching the cocktail sausages than the argument she provokes with her Boomerish nonsense.
Her forays into topics such as veganism and transhumanism demonstrate that the one clear thread of the piece isn’t the condition of men in the 21st century but Prendergast’s resistance to a movement from the “traditional” to “the ethical”.
She feigns concern for men’s health, but chalks their ills up to a “softening of men and their gender more broadly”, brought on by peskyfeminists and climate conscious companies. She might mention rising numbers of eating disorders and body dysmorphia amongst men, but then disingenuously connects it to diet and exercise rather than the real causes.
So, in her stead, I will address the elephant in the room:
In reality, men may be developing these conditions due to underlying mental health problems. It has been and is, fortunately, being repeated again and again, and it apparently needs to be repeated here.
Suicide rates amongst men and women have been on the rise for more than a decade, with suicide being the biggest killer of men under 45 and 75% of suicide victims being comprised by men.
At the same time, according to statistics and surveys from the ONS, YouGov and the Men’s Health Forum, men have measurably lower access to social support, are more likely to become alcohol and drug-dependent and are less likely to seek medical help for a mental health problem or take time off to deal with one.
As Prendergast herself says, a lot of young men are lost; many lack education or financial security, and the opportunities for growth those bring, or are disillusioned with religion and culture, and the models of masculinity that they underpin. They are ideologically adrift, and those lacking the support structures to help them grow or struggling with gendered expectations on them, to be self-sufficient or independent, will inevitably suffer from poor mental health.
It is no wonder that many, specifically white middle-class men, are readily swept up into the cult of Peterson, as well as far-right and ethno-nationalist political movements. Whilst Peterson actually does offer vital self-help advice, these ideologies also provide easy answers to questions of personal identity, community and paths to success by scapegoating minorities or redressing a traditional Christian-conservative narrative in new clothing.
We could also see the spikes in knife crime as part of this problem, with young inner-city men, primarily of colour, being deprived of opportunities to build positive relationships with one another or cultivate productive perceptions of themselves.
By forming gangs, they’re able to create a set of relationships and an identity that is defined by a community. However, without other activities and frames of reference, they spontaneously combust into overheated social media beefs with other gangs and turf wars, resulting in the violent clashes that have become so common in the capital as of late.
We can even chart this in the emergence of incel culture. Involuntarily celibate, as they say, and often suffering from depression and social anxiety, incel men fixate on their negative experiences with women and more socially successful men, turning into a form of identity. They proscribe to an ideology of the world ordered by genetics; the social success of various groups of men, ordered into unsuccessful ‘virgins’ and successful ‘chads’, is inscribed into their bodies at birth, even in the shapes of their skulls.
As a Vice investigation showed, many of them end up committing suicide.
If men lack ways to create relationships and perceptions of themselves that are healthy, men will find negative, outlets or methods of expressing their masculinity, whether its in the communities they form, their behaviour or their beliefs.
Or they will simply die.
I can tell you from personal experience, however, that gyms, on the other hand, are excellent places to set and achieve goals, make visible, verifiable improvement and even meet other people. That’s not even mentioning the natural endorphins and health benefits that regular exercise provides, which perhaps should be mentioned more often considering our current obesity crisis.
If young men, as Prendergast’s anecdote alludes to, are finding reasons to talk and be positive about themselves — whether it’s in the gym, in their hobbies or even in environmental considerations, in ways that don’t harm and disenfranchise themselves or others — then, for god’s sake, support them.
For those young men who are struggling, being a little softer, being more open with themselves, with each other and taking more time for themselves, is exactly what we should be encouraging them to do.
