I Don’t Want To Be A Girlfriend Or A Wife — I Just Want To Be Me
The poetic freedom of being single
Why are women told that they aren’t complete or settled without a man or romantic relationship? This is a sick narrative that has ruined the lives of many women. Because some women just don’t want any of it.
I don’t want to be a girlfriend, so I must be broken, they say. I don’t particularly desire to be a wife either. “You see, she must be a loose woman” I hear the foul whispers of naysayers commenting on my single life.
I don’t want to be the foundation that holds a man up, a soft landing place for his heart, or a warm blanket to wrap anyone in.
Everyone is screaming at me about how cruel I am, not sacrificing my time on earth for the care of another grown adult human being. But can’t they see that I’m an exhausted shadow of a woman, desperately seeking peace and calm in my singleness and solitude?
I want a low-drama life. Relationships have brought me mostly toxicity and drama. It hasn’t been worth all the fuss.
I wasn’t ever gifted the romantic ideal of relationships portrayed in movies or great books. Instead, I got the emotional script for the romantic film no one wants to see. Such is my fate. I’ve accepted it, and it’s okay.
I refuse to allow the waters of my life to be stirred by the whims of a man who sees me as a tool for his uprising, whilst I slowly disappear into his shadow. I won’t be anyone’s shadow. But I plan to shine my light until all light leaves me. I am a woman with a wild heart and an unrelenting soul.
I want to run free forever with my hair unbound, and the wind kissing my face. I want to live free of expectations, compromises, commitments, and continuous uplifting of another.
I don’t want to perform my femininity, soften my manner, or sweeten my voice. I don’t want any of that.
Did it ever occur to the world that a woman has a right to exist outside her role?
Did it ever occur to them that some women simply don’t care?
I don’t want a title, a ring, a celebration, a dress, a massive hoorah, or to be anyone’s better half
I want to rest in my wholeness and the marvellous simplicity of life. Without all the emotional baggage that comes with making a romantic relationship.
I won’t be anyone’s shadow. But I plan to shine my light until all light leaves me. I am a woman with a wild heart and an unrelenting soul.
“But not all men, some men are great, you’ll be lonely when you're older, don’t you want to share your life with another?” The questions and comments never end. I’ve heard it all, and I want none of it. There is no manuscript or way to do life set in stone. It’s all made up. Marriage and relationships are all cultures, and culture can shift. We can craft our personal culture.
I don’t see marriage as a religiously sanctioned union. For me, it’s more political and cultural than anything divinely ordained.
Many might disagree, but we all have a right to live according to the values we revere. For me being a wifey isn’t one of them.
Being single is not a disease to be cured.
We were all single before we even started dating or were married, and our heartbeats didn't stop. We lived the fullness of our lives, without being attached to another.
“The paradigm experience of solitude is a state characterized by disengagement from the immediate demands of other people — a state of reduced social inhibition and increased freedom to select one’s mental and physical activities.” — Bella DePaulo, PhD
I don’t know how the future will unfold for me regarding a relationship. But for now, I want to relish the solo life. Without emotional encumbrance. I also want to teach my kids they can be full persons without a romantic union.
I don’t want to be a part of someone. I want to be all of me.
I don’t want to bring anything to the table for anyone. Instead, I’m busy making a grand table full of colourful experiences for myself.
I’m making a table for myself with my intention, and self-love, and feeling so good about it. My energy is healthfully recycled, rather than spilling out unto a partner who often isn’t grateful for my giving. I want to share my energies in a balanced and more holistic way. For my children, the community, areas I believe in, artistic development and such.
I simply want to be me.
