01.07.2019 / Fear

Photo by Tim Trad on Unsplash

Sometimes I think about fear, and it’s not because I’m a person who likes to think about fear. It’s just that I encounter fear pretty often, and when I encounter it, I end up thinking about it, and while I’m no fan of it, I do realize that fear is an important, uh, emotion(?) to try to understand. It definitely motivates us. It can push us, and it can pull us. It is a warning beacon that almost never fails to alert us of the precariousness of our current situation. The only problem is that sometimes it can be a bit of an over-warn-er, if I’m allowed to use that term. The path isn’t always as treacherous as fear would have us believe it is. Even so, fear exists because we need protection, and it does a damn good job of it. I tell you all of this to tell you that I sometimes think about fear.

I’m fearful of a lot more now than I was a decade ago. A decade ago I was always ready for a new adventure. A new address. A new whatever. Let’s go. I was always ready. On a whim. These days just going to the grocery store requires a pep talk. Change is hard, and change is necessary in order to grow. I know. Even so, I get paralyzed by the smallest things these days. Maybe it’s anxiety. Maybe it’s depression. Maybe it’s just the passing of time. We all change as we get older. Some people get in shape. Some people get angry. I just got scared.

All of that being said, I’m going to quote Bilbo Baggins’ last line from the beloved film trilogy Lord of the Rings: “I’m quite ready for another adventure.” I can feel it in my bones. Something is stirring, and it might be gas, but I think it’s anticipation. Something is going to happen in 2019, and it might be that nothing happens in 2019, but either way I’m going to encounter it differently than I did in 2018. Because life won’t let me stay the same. Even more so, fear won’t let me stay the same. Every time I get scared of something, my relationship with fear changes, and sometimes I feel stronger, and sometimes I feel weaker.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I’m just trying to say something. I feel like I’ve lost my voice, and while I have no desire to shout my business to the masses like I did a couple of years ago, I do want to say something, you know?

Maybe you don’t.

I’ll stop here.

Thanks for reading!