Five Kind Things You Can Do For Yourself Right Now
That don’t involve pampering, chocolate, or buying anything.
Kindness is good for you — but you know that, right? It’s not just a fluffy thought. If you believe in the power of kindness, recent research has your back. (I love it when science has my back.) Being kind is beneficial for you and for the people you help.
Similarly, research also shows that self-compassion just might be better for you than self-esteem: It’s associated with more stable self-worth, fewer negative feelings, and lower levels of narcissism than self-esteem.
So being good to yourself, like being kind to others, is a smart idea — but self-compassion isn’t all bubble baths, cupcakes, red wine, and vacation time. Tiny, understated acts of everyday self-kindness can help you build a habit of sustainable compassion … and as a bonus, it’s cheaper than treating yourself to a massage every week.
So here are five kind things you can do for yourself (nearly) any old time, on any budget, just about wherever you happen to be.
- Work on something that’s been bugging you for a while.
You know those to-do list items that nag at you because you’ve been putting them off? Pick one, any one that speaks to you, and work on getting it off the list. You don’t have to do the whole thing if it’s something big like “clean the garage from top to bottom” or “organize all five shelves of my magazine collection.” Just do what you can achieve in the next five to fifteen minutes, even if it’s something as small as setting a reminder on your phone to get more cleaning supplies on your next day off.
This is an act of kindness because it helps relieve the frustration and unresolved tension of having an unfinished task breathing down your neck.
2. Allow yourself to entertain a forbidden thought or feeling.
What aren’t you allowed to think or feel, for whatever reason? Try giving yourself permission to break the rules. I’m not saying you should believe, invest in, or take action on the forbidden thought or feeling— just un-forbid it for five minutes. Set a timer if it makes you feel better. Once the timer goes off, you can re-forbid it.
While you have permission to be fine with it, though, examine it, give it the benefit of the doubt, and look at why it exists to begin with.
What positive value does it reflect? Even the most negative-seeming thought or feeling can come from a (possibly thwarted) desire for something we view as positive. Why do you normally forbid yourself to think or feel the thing? What consequences are you avoiding?
Avoidance can usually be flipped around to reveal a positive. Maybe it’s related to a cherished goal or the need to protect something. If you forbid yourself to be angry because you’re afraid you’ll lose control, maybe you just want peaceful coexistence with the people around you, or you’re trying to preserve a loved one’s health. If you’re never allowed to think negative thoughts, you might be striving for happiness or life satisfaction — you get the idea.
Treating your forbidden thoughts and feelings with respect is a kindness because it shows that you value and respect yourself as a whole person, including the parts that are less than ideal. Acceptance of imperfection is one of the kindest acts you can perform, for yourself or anyone.
3. Take a small step toward a neglected dream.
Virtually everyone has neglected goals — things we really want to do, but always set aside in favor of supposedly more important things. Maybe you really want to learn to play jazz trumpet, but lessons cost too much. Maybe you want to finally look up your birth parents. Maybe you want to go to Hawaii. Pick any neglected dream that you can work on just a little, and do something small right now that gets you closer to achieving that dream. You don’t need to spend any money or make any commitments. Even just writing a tentative plan that you may never follow still counts.
This is a self-kindness because it’s an act of cherishing your deep values. Devoting resources to something you’ve neglected about yourself is also a way of healing hidden self-harm.
4. Thank yourself for something.
It might sound silly, but is it really? It can be easy to dismiss all the work we do for ourselves, especially if we associate “self” with negative ideas of selfishness. Even if you’re pretty good at acknowledging your hard work, showing gratitude is still an act of kindness, so take the time to acknowledge something good that you’ve done.
It can have a big impact to thank yourself for something you normally dismiss as unimportant, but thanking yourself for anything at all is kind because it expresses generosity.
It’s a good idea to make your thank-you feel real in some way: Write a letter, a sticky note, an e-mail, or a text message to yourself; leave yourself a voicemail; thank yourself out loud; or just think your thanks silently but very clearly: Thank you, Me, for standing up for yourself when that douchecanoe classmate was condescending last week. Thank you for putting in the effort to get a job you enjoy. Thank you for showing Mom that you love her even when she’s angry.
This can be awkward but oddly refreshing; to me it feels like the opposite of an indulgence or a guilty pleasure. It can also help clarify what matters to you — you know you value what you feel sincerely thankful for.
5. Imagine one possible future situation that feels 100 percent good.
The “possible” part is important here —think of a future scenario that seems like it could really exist. You can even pick something you know will really happen, or you can pick something unlikely but believable; just make sure it’s an idea that feels wholly good, without any reservations.
Now take a few minutes to focus on a concrete, detailed scene that shows this future from your own point of view. Imagine, for instance, that tomorrow you wake up, look outside, and see an awesome sunrise; or imagine that five years from now you own an art gallery, and you’re in the process of setting up a charity event featuring a friend’s amazing artwork. You don’t need to spend ages constructing an elaborate fantasy (though you can if you want!), just imagine whatever comes to mind for how the situation would look, feel, smell, and such.
This is a kind act because imagining a good future shows (and strengthens) belief in yourself and the world you live in. It may also be healthier to have hope for the future than to walk around filled with distrust, so this is also a way of treating yourself well because it puts effort toward a positive outcome, whether or not your future looks the way you imagined it.
There you have it: five easy ways to be kind to yourself, without calories, binging, or travel time. Not that those things are inherently bad. If they improve your quality of life, by all means, indulge (wisely)! But the more often and easily we can be kind to ourselves, the better people we’ll be, and the happier and healthier we’ll be, so when it comes to building a kindness habit, even the tiniest baby step is still a step in the right direction.
